This piece was written by the Cracked Shop to tell you about products that are being sold there.
Having a fur baby is like having an actual human baby, which you probably should have realized before you dove headlong into getting a dog, but here we are. You're woefully unprepared to take care of an animal, and nobody threw you a dog shower. Don't worry; we're here to help with the hair, the poop, and everything in between.
Shedding and anxiety: two things that dogs have in spades that human babies don't develop until later in life. Shed Defender(R) helps with both, catching shedding hair before it falls and giving your dog a comforting squeeze to help with anxiety. As a bonus, it makes them look like they're getting ready for a doggie flash mob.
Got a loveable mutt? Figure out what breeds they actually are with DNA My Dog. Certain breeds are more susceptible to certain diseases and other maladies, and DNA My Dog helps you plan accordingly. It also allows you to launch into an enthusiastically long-winded monologue whenever anyone politely asks what kind of dog you've got.
Embark goes even further than breed, delving into your dog's ancestry and relatives. It's like building a family tree for your pup so you can see if Uncle Horace had a congenital heart disease that might inflict your precious Seamus.
You forgot to buy a dog bed, and now Ludo has made your bed his. Well, whose fault is that? This cozy dog bed may be your last chance to get your bed back.
Adventurous dogs and cats have a way of running off and worrying their owners sick. Blanket ID Tags clip onto your pet's collar and allow you to track where they're going with your phone. Let's see Cuthbert go for a joyride now.
Grooming is always a challenge for owners, as animals tend to regard soap as a threat. This shampoo-dispensing brush may make it a little easier to fool your pet into thinking they're getting a nice little scritch-scrotch when they're actually getting cleaned. Haha, stupid dog.
Your good girl doesn't stop being a good girl when you're at work. Tell her so, figuratively speaking, with this feeder that dispenses food at scheduled intervals throughout the day. If you want to rig up a recording to literally tell her at the same time, that's your business.
Your good girl is an especially good girl when she's doing poopies outside, yes she is. Of course, then you have to pick them up. This retractable leash has a bag dispenser built-in so you'll never have to worry about forgetting the bags at home and being forced to resort to unspeakable things.
If your pet has a tendency to leave fuzzy gifts all over your car or your furniture, this cordless grooming vacuum is for you. Just run it over your pup and it'll take care of excess, about-to-shed hair that would otherwise wind up all over your things. As a bonus, they'll have no idea what's happening, and it will probably be really funny.
Your pet needs to stay hydrated just as much as you do, but they likely don't possess the sophistication to appreciate a fancy Hydro Flask. This automated water fountain that makes sure they're bowl is full all day is the next best thing, and at this discount price, it's definitely cheaper.