Remember when Universal was dying to create their own cinematic universe out of classic movie monsters like The Mummy, Frankenstein's Monster, and Dracula among others? Well, that plan fell through when no one gave a shit about it. Twice. But like the horror movie version of Charlie Brown and the football, they're still going to keep trying to do something with this stockpile of classic monsters from the 1930s. The best thing they've come up with so far is a recently greenlit big-screen musical adaptation of "Monster Mash", that novelty song that you listen to for 15 seconds every Halloween before turning it off.
If this movie ever comes to fruition, it can only - and should only - center around the creation of "The Monster Mash" song. Not the real-life one that was written and recorded by singer Bobby Pickett in 1962, but the song he's singing about. As established in the popular theory that's been floating around the Internet for years, Pickett's song isn't the "Monster Mash" itself, but rather a song about the "Monster Mash". It's kind of like how Tenacious D's "Tribute" explicitly states that it's not the greatest song in the world, it's just a tribute to the greatest song in the world, which they specify doesn't actually sound anything like their tribute song.
If the "Monster Mash" is a song about a song none of us have ever heard, then we should hear that song in the movie as we learn about its creation, along with its meaning and significance to the monster community. Is it a solemn anthem about the hatred and violence monsters have had to overcome for centuries that was brought on by humans who fear what they don't understand? Is it a monster club banger that gets asses moving on the dance floor? If Pickett's lyrics are to be believed, it's the latter. The lyrics describe a song that slaps so hard that it raises Dracula from his slumber just so he can shake his fist angrily at it, but now that he's out of the coffin and can hear the song clearly, he thinks it' so good that he ends up becoming a part of the band that's playing it. That must be one hell of a song that clearly deserves it's own movie or at least an episode of the Song Exploder podcast.
Luis can be found on Twitter and Facebook. Check out his regular contributions to Macaulay Culkin's BunnyEars.com and his "Meditation Minute" segments on the Bunny Ears podcast. And now you can listen to the first episode on Youtube!