Science Declares Boomers Are More Sensitive Than Millennials

If you've ever listened to anyone old enough they need a finger up their butt just to stay alive on a yearly basis, all millennials are either self-obsessed snowflakes or ungrateful commies who are destroying the American way of life (that being cheese singles and golf). But it turns out, that's just the pointed wailing of a generation that can't get over itself because if there's anything millennials are killing, it's being self-obsessed crybabies.

Recently, Michigan State University published the greatest ever study into narcissism ever, which is something every narcissism study claims. The researcher surveyed 747 participants of all ages to observe levels of self-obsessiveness over time or to give it its proper scientific term: Kardashians per second. What they found was that the older a person gets, the less self-aggrandizing they become. Especially over 40, there's a steep decline in the worst symptoms of narcissism: hypersensitivity and the need to impose your opinion on others. Which makes sense; it's hard to maintain an illusion of being a wise golden god when you keep accidentally sitting on your junk.

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So yes, younger people are more self-obsessed and sensitive than old folks, but to any boomer reading this article: you may want to hold off spending half an hour figuring how to print this to show to your unpaid interns. Because the study also found that now, generations as a whole are also becoming less narcissistic. According to lead author William Chopik, "individuals who were born earlier in the century started with higher levels of hyper-sensitivity, or the type of narcissism where people are full of themselves, as well as willfulness, which is the tendency to impose opinions on others," which explain why, despite supposedly being the more chill and humble, our elders still turn bright-red like a Christmas ham every time some tween says, "OK Boomer."

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And it gets worse/more delicious. Not only does that make boomers scientifically bigger narcissists than millennials or Gen-Z'ers, since the research suggest this trend only really kicked off after the 1930s, they may just be the greatest generation of being total snowflakes. The reason for that, Chopik reckons, is that they had the greatest social security of all living generations, meaning they've had less to struggle. So the people who should be our elders are nothing more than a bunch of aged-up spoilt rich kids who never had to learn to empathize with the less fortunate because they bought their houses with whatever money they had in their pockets. So it's a good thing us sober and stalwart millennials are emotionally equipped to deal with these disappointments.

For more weird tangents and anecdotes about sitting on your junk, do follow Cedric on Twitter.

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