For No Reason, Mattel Has Made A Nonpartisan Version Of Uno

We need to see the data. I think we all deserve to look over whatever pool of research convinced Mattel that friendships have been ended and families torn apart at the mere sight of red and blue cards in Uno decks. I'm guessing the research doesn't exist, but that didn't stop them from releasing a "nonpartisan" Uno deck, with a box that proudly proclaims "no red or blue cards means no taking sides!"

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The final words of someone done in by their own cowardice.

By trying to divert everyone's attention away from politics, Uno put the spotlight firmly on politics, and then, in an error that was entirely unforced, literally added the word "politics" into the deck.

This is the card equivalent of a flaccid penis. MattelThis is the card equivalent of a flaccid penis.

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This terrible new card isn't just a monument to the craven nature of the deck, it also has a playable function: It's basically the skip card with a slight modification - you can only use it to skip players who bring up politics during the game. The game which didn't have politics in it to begin with, if you'll recall. If you're bringing up politics now, it's because there's a new card that says 'politics' on it.

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No one in the history of the human race has ever accused an Uno deck of favoring one political party over another. And yet, the flavor text on Mattel's official page says that "Without Red or Blue cards the focus can stay on the game." This cannot be stressed enough: The cards never had any other political iconography on them. It's just that some were red and others were blue. The only way you could interpret anything political about them is if your brain had been so damaged by modern discourse that those colors activate your Manchurian Candidate-style brainwashing, sending you into unstoppable violent fits that not even a reverse card can quiet.

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Luis can be found on Twitter and Facebook. Check out his regular contributions to Macaulay Culkin's BunnyEars.com. Check out his "Meditation Minute" segments on the Bunny Ears podcast. And now you can listen to the first episode on Youtube!

For more, check out Disney Really Dropped The Ball On Baby Yoda Merch and Billie Eilish Doesn't Get The Van Halen Mural On My Van.

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