5 Baffling Ways Hollywood Sucks At Depicting Normal Life

Not even horrible sickness can stop these guys from developing abs of steel. In 13 Reasons Why, Clay is clearly suffering from some serious health problems, and everyone keeps talking about how skinny he is, but when his shirt comes off, he looks great. He's awfully lucky that he got one of those severe medical disorders that leaves you with incredible muscles.

Netflix"The saddest moment of my disease was the day I was no longer able to cosplay as one of the guys from 300 ... I mean, I assume that day will be sad if it ever happens."

At least you can kind of explain that one away as a crime of passion, but lazy drama falls back on this all the time. There's an entire CSI: NY episode about an injured character having nothing better to do than stare into other apartments mere feet from his own. Yet despite being able to make direct eye contact with his neighbor, one man has no problem plotting a chemical weapon attack with his blinds wide open. It's Rear Window for morons.

CBS Television Distribution"The real crime would be blocking out all the natural light on such a nice day."

The show You is about a stalker, and while we don't mean to blame the victim, the object of his obsession doesn't use curtains at any point in the entire series. She walks around in a towel after showering, changes clothes, and even has sex without closing any blinds. She can afford to buy a new bed after hers breaks, but never thinks to invest in basic privacy. And all the while, right across the street, a dude casually watches through her gigantic windows.

NetflixThis also requires the benefit of the doubt that the person having sex in the open window of a ground-floor street-facing Manhattan apartment isn't simply an exhibitionist.

This lack of basic common sense also has a proud legacy in comedy, thanks to the "classic" gag of horny dudes glimpsing an unsuspecting woman. In Rush Hour 2, a suspect is nice enough to strip for Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker in front of a huge window ...

New Line Cinema

... and That '70s Show also riffs on Rear Window by having a wheelchair-bound Fez watch Donna's mom, Midge, who conveniently pauses in front of a big open window before getting naked.

Carsey-Werner DistributionYou'd think in the '70s, people would keep that kind of extravagant bong collection a little more under the radar.

We enjoy gratuitous nudity as much as anyone, but we're begging screenwriters to remember that Rear Window used a brutal heat wave to explain why everyone was keeping their windows open. So write some excuse, even if it's a subplot about a prolific curtain thief sweeping through town. Anything!

Or look at the many puddles of Terminator 2, which is set in Los Angeles.

TriStar PicturesGranted, this was shot in a flood control channel, but in Southern California this may still be as wet as it ever gets.

If you've ever been forced to listen to people from Los Angeles talk about how totally unique their city is, one thing that doesn't come up is how often they have to plod through rainstorms to get to dog yoga. You can also notice this in less extreme climates, like Back To The Future's Hill Valley ...

Universal Pictures

... and A Good Day To Die Hard's wherever the hell this one was set.

2oth Century FoxBesides in the ever-fading memory of Bruce Willis' glory days.

So why does every movie look like it's about to become a Waterworld spinoff? Surely it can't just be because it looks cool, right?

It can, and is!

Photography directors like to "wet down" scenes because you get lots of pretty reflections while also cutting down on glare and errant shadows from light sources. A wet road is also darker, so it won't look, uh, washed out on screen. It's a simple, affordable way to make the shot pop while removing any evidence that a bunch of movie-making equipment is hanging around right out of sight. So the next time you see a LA-based movie and the streets are soaking wet, remember that they did that to make the movie look more plausible.

... and Lily could just walk in whenever she felt like it.

20th TelevisionThat door has four locks on it. Clearly a great investment.

We don't care how close you are with your friends; you'd want a warning so that they don't catch you with your figurative or literal pants down. Hell, in one episode, Lily and Robin want to sneak into a stranger's apartment and the door is conveniently unlocked, even though she'd just been having sex. Time that scene any differently, and you'd have an episode about a saucy trespassing court case.

20th Television

Popularizing this trope was among the many sins of Friends. Everyone kept barging in on each other like it was the most normal thing in the world.

Warner Bros. Television"The One Where Chandler Gets Caught Masturbating To Anime"

Now modern sitcoms like One Day At A Time (the Netflix show, not the 1975 original that our readers demand incessant coverage of) are taking it further by having characters wander into apartments half-naked.

Netflix"Hey, I'm glad you're home. Which of these shirts makes me look less like a sexually intimidating home invader?"

And of course, the great evil that is The Big Bang Theory made it even dumber by having Sheldon play bongos at three in the morning, to which Penny responds by barging into his unlocked apartment. Because what Californian doesn't leave their apartment unlocked all night? While actively annoying their neighbors?

Again, we get that this is a storytelling convenience. We're just saying that every sitcom that does this also needs to have an episode about a meth-head wandering in and stealing everyone's stuff.

In a lengthy chase in The Dark Knight, the Joker employs both guns and grenades while also taking a freaking police helicopter out of the sky, and everyone ignores the danger. People even witness a tractor-trailer do a flip and decide to carry on like they're all somehow in the middle of even bigger emergencies. Eventually, the Joker starts walking down the middle of the road while blasting his submachine gun into oncoming traffic, and cars keep coming at him like he's nothing but an overly aggressive panhandler. The Joker has some serious competition for Gotham's biggest psychopath.

Warner Bros. PicturesThough the complete lack of broken glass and bullet holes suggests there may be more to that car than meets the eye.

Not to be outdone, civilians in the Fast & Furious universe are happy to share the road with a rampaging tank. Car after car is flattened by a rogue machine of death barreling down the highway, yet no one thinks to pull over. Instead, every family that drives straight at the tank and gets crushed to death is but one fewer obstacle for the rest of the drivers who aren't about to let a little casual warfare stop them from getting home in time to catch Jeopardy.

Meanwhile, the drivers in Captain America: Civil War see nothing amiss about superheroes dashing past them before a man starts climbing up and over speeding cars. This driver doesn't even flinch, as though a bionic man standing on his rooftop is the MCU's version of a little inclement weather on the daily commute.

Walt Disney Studios"Shoe prints on the roof again?! I just had this thing waxed!"

Finally, Baby Driver is an entire movie of suicidal drivers ignoring everything about the outrageous chases they're witnessing. In one scene, two huge pickup trucks drive through a guardrail and out onto another highway, right after one had spent time lodged under a tractor trailer, to which the trailer driver responds with one annoyed horn blast and everyone else responds with total indifference. It sure seems easy to rob banks when you're essentially living in the GTA world.

Michael Battaglino is a contributor to Cracked.com. Be sure to check out some of his other work if you enjoyed this article. RG Jordan is not big on social media but he is big on working and eating food so you can contact him at RGJordan4@gmail.com if you think his words are funny or insightful.

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