How Moldy Jam Became A Metaphor For The Insanity Of Brexit

Brexit, the diplomatic equivalent of your dad divorcing your mom by moving to a waterbed into the garage, isn't going great. With only a few weeks until the United Kingdom's planned split with the European Union, and with businesses fleeing the country like rats from a sinking ship and farmers likening the agricultural effects to those of a disease outbreak, the mood is getting medieval. But PM Theresa May has just uttered calm words of leadership, assuring people that post-Brexit, they'll have no problem putting food on the table. They'll just have to scrape off the mold first.

With countless Brits already turning to food banks due to the government's endless austerity policies, food management has become an urgent issue. According to The Daily Mail (Britain's greatest expert on bitter decay), May was heard during a cabinet meeting on food waste telling her senior ministers that people should pay less attention to expiration dates and trust common sense to see if food has gone off. Giving an example, May confessed to often cutting away layers of mold from her jam to get to the untainted bits below with a ruthless cost-cutting efficiency that'll come in handy when England reopens its Dickensian workhouses in 2020.

Wikimedia Commons"What? Do I have some mold on my face?"

Continue Reading Below


Naturally, the British press is making a meal out of "Jamgate" as the perfect Brexit metaphor. Not because it's bad or dangerous advice (expiration dates can be kind of scammy, and health experts agree that removing the top layer of moldy jam makes it perfectly fine to eat), but because their Brexit-pushing, poverty-ignoring PM is acting like a coupon-cutting Marie Antoinette, unable/unwilling to read the mood the nation.

Meanwhile, someone else has already grabbed Jamgate as a PR opportunity: opposition leader Jeremy Corbyn, whose camp has eagerly responded to the gaffe by affirming that, as a true jam aficionado, he frugally finishes all of his jars before allowing but an inch of it to develop oppressive mold. This, by the way, happened in the same week an unauthorized biography claimed that the sorta-OK-with-Brexit Corbyn also enjoys eating cold beans straight out of the can. Jeez, no wonder these politicians wouldn't mind going post-apocalypse for a few decades just to get their old passports back.

Cedric's pretty sure that marmite is just fully molded jam, and you can yell at him about that on Twitter.

Support our site with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.

For more, check out Please Don't Make A Live-Action 'Nightmare Before Christmas' and The Guy Who Made 'The Room' Has A New Film About A Big Shark.

Also, we'd love to know more about you and your interesting lives, dear readers. If you spend your days doing cool stuff, drop us a line at iDoCoolStuff at Cracked dot com, and maybe we can share your story with the entire internet.

Follow us on Facebook. If you like jokes and stuff.

To turn on reply notifications, click here


Load Comments

More Articles

6 Stories That Prove Instagram Influencers Are The Worst

Instagram influencers are often absurd.


7 Viral Stories That Had Twists Nobody Remembers

If you follow up on these flash-in-the-pan headlines, you might find some information that changes the tone of the story.


5 Scary Stories That Sound Made Up (That Really Happened)

A good horror story is hard to pull off.


5 Behind-The-Scenes Shots That Take The Glamour Out Of Ads

All commercials are a least a little weird.


5 World-Changing News Stories (That Were Total BS)

Here are some recent


5 Movie Characters Who Tried To Look Tough (And Failed Hard)

These actions stars were so bad at being badass, they were just ass.