Everyone Needs To Chill Out About The New 'Star Wars' Title

As we seek to fill the vast emptiness we all feel all the time, our thoughts naturally turn to Star Wars. Namely its title.

Yes, the internet has been champing at the bit to find out what Episode IX is called. The fervor seemingly all started with leaked info that the conclusion to the Sequel Trilogy was going to be called Balance Of The Force. But that juicy tidbit was sourced to a random Reddit user -- just a step up from gathering intel from the ravings of a disheveled drifter who sort of resembles George Lucas. Not surprisingly, it was almost immediately proven to be a hoax, and simply looking at the users' past history showed that they had also "leaked" a phony Avengers title months earlier.


Continue Reading Below


Continue Reading Below


Fans also got their hopes up when Anthony Daniels (the svelte British dude who lives inside C-3PO) started Tweeting out vague messages about "something amazing coming towards us." Fans seemed to take this as an indication that the title would soon be announced. Then Daniels backtracked, elaborating that his imaginary space metaphor isn't "the right shape for a movie title or trailer."

Twitter/@ADaniels3POSo it was less a teaser for a big announcement, and more an example of how folks of a certain generation tend to suck at Twitter.

Continue Reading Below


Inevitably, the anticipation of the new title became a meme, with fans crafting graphics for Star Wars: Baby Shark and Star Wars: A Star Wars Story. Even Lucasfilm's Pablo Hidalgo got in on the action with the high-concept title Star Wars: [Image of comic strip in which Jon Arbuckle and Garfield share a pipe].


Continue Reading Below


Continue Reading Below


The most absurd part of all this is that Star Wars titles are inevitably terrible anyway. Since the days of the prequels, such reveals have been turned into events which each inevitably bred disappointment. The Phantom Menace "baffled" fans. Social media ridiculed The Force Awakens. Even Obi-Wan Kenobi himself, Ewan McGregor, publicly mocked the title Attack Of The Clones.

Continue Reading Below


That's because the only words that really matter are "Star Wars." What comes after that shouldn't be scrutinized too closely. Hell, don't even put it on the poster, just let us find out when we're watching the actual movie.

You (yes, you) should follow JM on Twitter, or check out the podcast Rewatchability.

Support our site with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.

For more, check out There's A 'Mad Max' Ballet, For Some Reason and 'Game Of Thrones' Sneakers Are A Thing Now.

Also, we'd love to know more about you and your interesting lives, dear readers. If you spend your days doing cool stuff, drop us a line at iDoCoolStuff at Cracked dot com, and maybe we can share your story with the entire internet.

Follow us on Facebook, you should.

To turn on reply notifications, click here


Load Comments

More Articles

5 Screwed-Up Secrets The Ultra-Rich Don't Want You To Know

You don't make astonishing amounts of money without ending up a jerk in some way.


5 Incredible Movie Facts (That Are Actually Total BS)

The stories we tell about movies are as important as the movies themselves.


5 Crazy Statistics That'll Change How You Think Of Crime

Criminal behavior can be influenced by some very weird, seemingly random factors.


5 Billion-Dollar Industries That Treat Workers Like Garbage

Even our most popular forms of entertainment can treat their employees like absolute trash.


5 Huge Scandals With Crazy Details The News Barely Mentioned

The news spent weeks reporting on these giant scandals without bothering to mention the stupidest parts.


6 Iconic Movies And Shows That Were Outright Ripoffs

Even Hollywood couldn't deny these films were total thievery.