Want The Best Job Of The 21st Century? Learn To Herd Goats

With the advent of Big Agriculture and the double cheeseburger, the Western goat herding industry experienced its first decline in about, say, 10,000 years. But right on the cusp of having to admit that sitting on hills and playing pan flutes just isn't a future-proof job, the business has made a surprise pivot, providing a service much needed in the 21st century: making sure civilization doesn't burn to the ground.

Turns out that goat herding isn't just post-apocalypse but pre-apocalypse-proof as well. While some goats have had to stoop to making a living as muggers -- or worse, yoga instructors -- recently a new industry has opened up for the roaming ruminators: preventing forest fires.

Continue Reading Below


Due to myriad factors, climate change being the worst of them, massive brush fires have been plaguing California and other parts of the Southwest. With limited options (and limited funding), more and more towns and fire departments are turning to the best brush clearers in the animal kingdom: goats. Not only are goats cheap, but a herd of 200 can easily clear an acre of dangerous brush a day, their nimble tongues and nimbler hoofs making getting every last bit of fire-prone shrubbery in the treacherous forest areas a piece of brambles-flavored cake.

<i>Who you gonna call? Goat Brushers!</i>PixabayWho you gonna call? Goat Brushers!

Continue Reading Below


Continue Reading Below


Of course, goats need supervisors, which brings on a renaissance for the humble goatherd, who can make up to a grand per acre renting out a trip of goats. And they've adapted to modern times as well. Forget walking around in goat droppings wielding some weird hook weapon that makes you look like a third-rate Final Fantasy character. Modern operators use every bit of modern tech to make herding as efficient as possible, using solar generators to create mobile ranches with electric fences and tracking technology to keep their goats as well-monitored as your Facebook conversations.

Continue Reading Below


And as if using updated ancient technology to fix late capitalist issues in California isn't Silicon Valley enough, one Nevada City recently launched a crowdfunding campaign called (you guessed it) Goat Fund Me to get raise enough bucks (hey, they started it) to keep the brush fires at bay. With that kind of trending momentum, it's only a matter of time before Elon Musk releases a line of Boring Goats as the revolutionary new way to forever change the tin can recycling industry.

For more weird tangents and his personal recipes for toilet wine, do follow Cedric on Twitter.

Continue Reading Below


If you loved this article and want more content like this, consider a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.

For more, check out Margot Robbie's Playing Barbie (Yes, There's A Barbie Movie) and Check It Out, Nerds: There's A 'Ghostbusters' Dinosaur.

Also, we'd love to know more about you and your interesting lives, dear readers. If you spend your days doing cool stuff, drop us a line at iDoCoolStuff at Cracked dot com, and maybe we can share your story with the entire internet.

Follow us on Facebook. Because why not?

To turn on reply notifications, click here


Load Comments

More Articles

5 Of The Most 'Wuh?' Facts History Class Never Covered

These hilarious stories should have been taught in every school.


5 Historical Landmarks (That Are Total Frauds)

Some of the most historical sites in the world are just trying to compete with Disneyland.


5 Towns Ruined By The Movies Filmed There

We're not sure if you've noticed this, but movie fans can get a little ... obsessive.


6 Great Historical Places (That Are Dumb As Balls In 2020)

Here are a few historically important sites to which time has been more than unkind.


4 Reasons Traveling Around The USA Totally Sucks

Pretty much everything about our transportation network is royally screwed.