5 Beloved Children's Characters Out Of Your Worst Nightmares
Whether it's due to a misunderstanding, some bad advice, or deliberate vengeance against children in general, many characters from kids' shows are objectively horrifying. We've covered the problem before, but we only scratched the surface. Here are a few more disturbing creatures from kids' TV shows that would be better suited to one of the seven circles of Hell.
Peppermint Park was a direct-to-VHS, direct-from-Hell puppet show released in the late '80s by Televidics Productions. It was like Sesame Street, if Sesame Street was filmed in your creepy uncle's basement and starred hallucinations that have turned on you. You can't say it wasn't effective; after learning about traffic safety from a pig-faced man in the throes of an existential crisis, kids will be far too terrified to go anywhere near a street.
The humans aren't any less horrifying. Viewers learned more about the physical and emotional properties of the color blue from this miserable old man with a shrunken head than they ever did from Elmo.
Meanwhile, a soul singer illustrates the color red by performing what can only be some kind of Satanic summoning ritual. Look at those eyes. The Dark Lord has clearly taken over.
They're all overseen by Ernie, an escapee from Tim Burton's Planet Of The Apes poorly disguised as a man. He has a fondness for the letter M. Like, a deep fondness. We'd swear it was propaganda if we could figure out what for.
For some reason, Peppermint Park was swiftly canceled, and its videos soon fell out of print. But it did enjoy a brief resurgence once YouTube got their hands on it. Here's what that particular nightmare looked like.
Aasi, Morso Ja Mouru
Before Eddie Murphy's Donkey and Antonio Banderas' Puss and Boots, there was another donkey and cat team that captured kids' attention. They were part of a Finnish TV puppet show that ran from 1999 to 2001 called Aasi, Morso Ja Mouru. It was based on a children's book series by Tuula Kallionimi about a timid donkey who overcomes his fears with the help of his friends, a cat and a mouse.
When it came time to build the puppets for the show, however, the designers had something a little ... different in mind for Morso, the mouse. Specifically, the eyes of a man sewn into the head of a monkey sewn onto the body of a baby begging for death.
Children found it hard to focus on the lessons of acceptance and bravery with that Moreauian horror screeching inside their brains, so the series was soon canceled. Even the donkey seems terrified by his friend.
Tell us that you could stare down this pliers-wielding maniac, apparently threatening to rob you of both your money and your belief in a benevolent Universe ...
Hey kids, don't scream! You're about to meet Mr. Blobby.
Mr. Blobby was hatched/born/summoned by dark spirits in 1992, when he debuted on the show Noel Edmond's House Party. He then took on a disturbing, polka-dotted life of his own, making numerous appearances in other TV shows for over a decade. He even released a single in 1993 that became a #1 Christmas hit. See for yourself. Warning: It involves Mr. Blobby receiving pseudo-erotic sponge baths and holding a mutant baby version of himself.
A 1994 article in The New York Times described the show as "proof of Britain's deep-seated attraction to trash," and referred to the titular blob as "Barney without his medication." We don't know what deep secrets that writer knew, but maybe we shouldn't let Barney work with children either?
One thing that distinguishes Mr. Blobby from his fellow horrors is his impressively long career. He's kept going strong all these years, making guest appearances on various programs and even heading up his own theme park for a time. His most recent appearance was in 2017. Though he's popped up less and less frequently over the years, don't drop your guard. He could strike again at any moment.
Plasmo was a claymation series that started as a short film conceived/written/directed/solely animated by a talented (and probably quite tired) chap named Anthony Lawrence. The film was picked up for a series by ABC (Australia's version of PBS), and despite only consisting of 13 episodes, it was a hit and enjoyed constant reruns throughout the 1990s and 2000s. It'd be a safe bet that every Aussie currently in their 20s or 30s has a memory of this show stuffed in the "Oh, yeah ..." corner of their brain.
The show revolves around Plasmo, Parsty, and their pet Niknik, who are journeying through space, trying to find their way home. Instead of home, they find a series of strange but often quite sweet adventures, and even befriend a guy who has a vagina for a face.
Yes, a generation of Australians spent their youths enjoying the antics of a walking, talking genital. To be fair to the show's creator, it's supposed to be a gill, since Coredor is an aquatic creature. But if children couldn't identify exactly what was so off-putting about his flappy mug, they certainly did by the time they reached Facebook and BuzzFeed age. While people continue to bemoan how sugary and PC children's shows supposedly are these days, ask yourself this: Are fewer vagina-faced aliens on TV such a bad thing?
Lift Off was another Australian educational TV show. In some ways, it was ahead of its time, showing how kids act in certain situations, how they think, imagine, learn, and understand. On the other hand, it had a faceless baby.
That's EC, a living doll that's supposed to represent "every child," but actually only makes them shit their tiny pants. According to one of the show's actors, its lack of facial features was intended to allow kids to interpret it any way they want. Well, "At least it can't eat me" does technically count as an interpretation.
There seems to be no middle ground on this show. It's either no eyes or entirely too much eye.
That's Beverly, a one-eyed magic potted plant. It sees the world of nature (and probably your deepest fears, which likely include this lurking lizard character that watches you shower).
There were non-mutant humans on the show, but only insofar as you would consider the characters of Doug if they came to life "human."
They're an industrious group. They have a band and a diner, where they presumably serve misfortune and that shameful secret you never told anyone.
Lift Off, despite its title, sputtered and hit the ground of whatever planet it came from all but immediately. It only lasted for three seasons, but it lives on in our hearts, minds, and the deepest recesses of our subconscious.
There's nothing nightmarish about the interesting facts on Markos' Twitter.
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