Even though the next movie is over a year away, the internet is flooded with ridiculous Star Wars theories on almost a daily basis. And while we can't say for certain that Han Solo didn't fall into a black hole at the end of The Force Awakens, thereby sending him careening through the corridors time itself like Mr. Peabody until he conveniently pops out at the beginning of Episode IX, it seems unlikely.
But one fan theory kind of makes sense, in a depressing way. It stems from an apparent plot hole in The Last Jedi. While a fully dressed Kylo Ren is negging Rey, he tells her that her mother and father weren't say, Luke Skywalker and Sy Snootles. No, her parents were just a couple of bums who sold her for "drinking money." Meaning we can all look forward to one day seeing Rey's Deadbeat Alcoholic Parents: A Star Wars Story.
Kylo adds that Rey's folks are buried in "a paupers' grave in the Jakku desert." This seemingly contradicts something else we've seen, though. In the previous movie, Rey flashes back to see her younger self watching her parents fly away, leaving her with that Poppin' Fresh guy who runs the local protein shop.
So why do we see Rey's parents fly away from Jakku if that's where they're buried? Well, here's where things start to get a tad grim. The theory, first hatched on Reddit, suggests that Lil' Rey, in a fit of fear and anger, used the Force to pull the ship down, killing her parents. Which sounds kind of crazy, but we've seen kids in Star Wars movies use the Force without knowing it -- albeit for, sigh, podracing. And the kind of raw emotion parental abandonment would conjure could conceivably unleash Rey's powers, right?
Now, it's mostly likely that this was just a screw-up, due to the fact that these movies were written by different dudes. But it would also explain why Rey repressed these memories in the first place, and would further underscore her link with Kylo, who also offed his dad. Plus, in the flashback, Rey's vision of her parents' ship eventually turns blood red -- though that was probably just because J.J. Abrams thought that was the natural evolution from more goddamn lens flares.
Support your favorite Cracked writers with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.
For more, check out Archaeologists Just Found A Bunch Of Mummified Cats and The Worst Version Of 'Monopoly' Has Just Come Out.
Also, we'd love to know more about you and your interesting lives, dear readers. If you spend your days doing cool stuff, drop us a line at iDoCoolStuff at Cracked dot com, and maybe we can share your story with the entire internet.
Follow us on Facebook, you should.
Bawitdaba, pass the green beans.
It's hard out there for millionaire purveyors of garbage pizza.