Mustaine's worst quote, given his staunch opposition to Obama and Hillary Clinton, has to be this 2011 gem about Occupy Wall Street, which has aged about as well as planking: "I've never, in my 50 years of being alive, listened to an American president try and turn one class of people against another class of people. I've never-never-heard a president say, 'Go down and join the protesters' knowing that there are Nazis down there."

Irony sells, but who's buying?

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Commerford is also the kind of conspiracy theorist who yells at Buzz Aldrin at movie premieres about the Moon landing, but that's a garden-variety conspiracy theory, and Commerford can probably be forgiven for believing in it. After all, it's not as if his dad worked for NASA on the Apollo program or anything like that. That would be silly.

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Asking a hip-hop group to wade into the Israel-Palestine conflict might be a strange journalistic tactic, but The Washington Times got a hell of an answer from Griff in a 1989 interview, during which he announced that "Jews are responsible for the majority of wickedness in the world." Later on, he defended his viewpoint with some foolproof logic: "Is it a coincidence that Jews run the jewelry business, and it's named 'jewelry'?"

Airtight case, Professor.

To their credit, the band issued an apology, and Griff later recanted his statements. To their discredit, they immediately rehired him, and his recantation amounted to acknowledging that he can't blame Jews for all the wickedness in the world, because he doesn't know about all of it. Some of it might be Justin Bieber's fault. Who's to say?

Griff has since moved on to the internet conspiracy theorist's most beloved pastime of getting on YouTube to rant about the Illuminati. Apparently, Griff believes that JAY-Z and many other artists are all performing satanic rituals to instill their music with demonic energy. He also totally thinks Get Out was a documentary, depicting an accurate representation of what is happening to missing black men all over the country. The body-swapping part might not be real, but Griff doesn't discount the possibility of a massive Caucasian organ-stealing operation, which is, of course, ridiculous.

R-right?

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M.I.A. reasons that, "All governments are connected to Google, and all governments can shift their search engines so only what they want you to see comes up." An argument that sort of falls apart under scrutiny, unless the governments of the world have a serious interest in spreading erotic Sonic the Hedgehog fan art. She's probably right when she says "everyone is f*****g you up behind the screens," but she's a bit more off the mark when she suggests that "the CIA invented Facebook and Google." As if the federal government was capable of building a working website.

FacebookThough we notice her complaints (along with those of basically everyone who gripes about social media) haven't kept her off Facebook.

That's when M.I.A. inserts herself into the narrative, painting herself as a beleaguered target of various social media platforms, while simultaneously using those platforms to freely address hundreds of thousands of followers. M.I.A. worried about the consequences of a Hillary Clinton win in 2016 because she'd tweeted about WikiLeaks a few times, and that apparently meant imminent danger for her. She also latched onto an incident in which she was dropped from the London Afropunk Festival after insinuating that Beyonce's support of Black Lives Matter meant she didn't care about Muslims. The Twitter account of the U.S. Embassy in London retweeted the news, and that was just one more damning piece of evidence in the social media conspiracy surrounding the singer of that one song from the Pineapple Express trailer.

M.I.A. incoherently explained all of this in an interview with The Guardian, and then abruptly switched to the time she was convinced she was going to be assassinated by the CIA.

That's not a joke.

Well, not an intentional one.

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Her evidence for this? Pretty much her own baseless insistence that it would have been more expensive to update a building from the '70s than it would be to destroy it. Also, that some other buildings have been hit by planes, and they haven't burned or collapsed. Right. There was just tons of precedent for that sort of thing. That's why they always say "Never Forget." You never know when the next commuter airliner is going to fly directly into a skyscraper, and it pays to be prepared.

When they're not writing for Cracked or Ranker, Stephan Roget can be found tweeting about whatever's hot and fresh at @StephanRoget.

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