Batman has been around for decades, and barring another yet another shift in the nature of the DC Comics multiverse, there's little we don't know about the character by this point. That is, except what his dick looks like. No seriously, stay with us here. Is it short or long or Fledermaus-shaped? This is important information that we the comic-enjoying peoples expect -- nay, need. We just got our answer in Brian Azzarello and Lee Bermejo's series Batman: Damned.
Taken at face value, it'd be easy to say that this "revelation" is just a tawdry stunt to get people writing about superhero comics at a time when they're deeply in the shadow of their movie and game adaptations, and hey, that's probably the case here! The comic in question opens with Batman plunging, Reichenbach-style, into the Gotham River -- an accident which causes him to start vividly hallucinating. In order to figure out what's wrong, he undergoes a full-body scan at the Batcave, and that's when his big ol' Bathog appears, glistening in the half-moonlight.
That picture is from the censored digital version of the comic, as Cracked is a family publication run by X-Men fans. The print versions of Damned are doomed to suffer the same fate once the current print run, um, runs out, owing to DC's belief that the Batschlong is not "additive" to the story. So hurry, kids! Run to your local comic store and pick up a copy of Batman: Damned today, and if we're really lucky and sales improve, the entire comics industry will turn around and we'll eventually get to see what Batman's balls look like too.
Support your favorite Cracked writers with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.
For more, check out 'The Predator' Has A Crazy Cameo Everyone Missed and This Creepy True Story Has The Dumbest Twist Ending Ever.
Also, we'd love to know more about you and your interesting lives, dear readers. If you spend your days doing cool stuff, drop us a line at iDoCoolStuff at Cracked dot com, and maybe we can share your story with the entire internet.
Follow us on Facebook. Because you're the hero we NEED right now.
Let us pitch you a sitcom ...
Sometimes the follow-up is worse than original headline-grabbing story.
Some people in entertainment don't even bother trying to come up with fresh ideas.