5 Unreleased Pop Culture Things (Coming After We're Dead And Gone)

By:
5 Unreleased Pop Culture Things (Coming After We're Dead And Gone)

With the advent of the internet, we've all become ridiculously spoiled with being able to see essentially anything we want, at any time, instantly, to the point where we get mad when we have to sit through a 15-second YouTube preroll before watching a decent-quality upload of an ultra-specific local ad from 1997 that we thought for years might have been a dream. (Nope, found it!) We're so thoroughly overstuffed with access to everything that it's now borderline thrilling when something isn't immediately available to watch or read or look at. Which is why these particular things, which have been officially "sealed" for a century or longer, may end up being the only five things no one reading this ever gets to witness.

Jackie Kennedy's Blood-Spattered Suit Won't Be Seen Until 2103

When John F. Kennedy was assassinated in 1963, his blood flew all over his wife's now-iconic pink suit and pillbox hat, permanently staining them. In the morbid, frantic aftermath, Jackie Kennedy insisted on keeping the suit on during Lyndon Johnson's presidential swearing-in ceremony, saying she wanted everyone to see "what they have done."

Cecil W. Stoughton/Office of the President
Which probably would’ve upset him if not for his inherent Lyndon B. Johnson-ness.

But then what happened to the suit? What do you do with a ruined outfit that's been transmogrified into a historical artifact, evidence in a crime scene, a devastatingly traumatic memento, and a viscerally disturbing thing with the president's literal brains on it? While Kennedy could've certainly been forgiven for throwing it away and never thinking about it again the second she had the chance, she did the opposite. She soberly respected the outfit's significance and had it stored in a "custom made acid-free box" to keep it intact so future generations of horrified field trips could see "what they have done."

After Jackie's death, in 2003, her daughter Caroline Kennedy signed over the outfit to the National Archives in College Park, Maryland, with one condition: The suit was to be preserved but not displayed publicly until the year 2103, so as not to "dishonor the memory of the late President or cause unnecessary grief or suffering to members of his family." Or in other words, to spare it from some viral Insta of a teen dabbing in front of it with the caption "jackie dress the realest shit yall... standin for all the feels"

Related: 6 Dark Details History Usually Leaves Out (For Good Reason)

John Malkovich Made A Movie That Won't Be Released Til 2115

John Malkovich! Robert Rodriguez! It's the actor/director duo everyone will be talking about ... in the year 2115 CE, when humans and their sex bot companions with "movie liking" brain chip inserts will finally get to see the exclusive film they made together. Interestingly, November 2115 is also the same month the current slate of Marvel movies is set to wrap up.

Charley Gallay/Getty Images
Obviously, 100 years won’t have diminished their star power in the least. After all, wouldn’t you love to see a new movie from Mary Pickford and Marguerite Clark?

Louis XIII Cognac sponsored a movie written by and starring Malkovich that won't be released for a full century, in honor of the 100 years it takes to make each bottle of Louis XIII. They locked the finished film in a time-locked safe that won't reopen until November 18, 2115. This will also be the date of the film's premiere, to which 1,000 people around the world received an invitation to pass down to their descendants in order for them to attend. Or at least to wait 100 years before realizing "Ah shit, that's tonight? I worked til, like, 7:20 and I'm kinda tired. Next century though!!"

It is on-the-nosedly titled 100 Years, and it's described (by Malkovich) as a "terrific, emotionally-charged" film. Hopefully it's loaded with lots of razor-specific references from 2015 to baffle the Rodriguez great-grandchildren. Is there an extended Left Shark dance sequence set to "Take Me To Church?" Guess we'll have to wait and preserve our brains in jars that're hooked up to movie-watching software and see!

Not to be outdone, Pharrell Williams has also recorded a song called "100 Years" for the Louis XIII project and sealed that up for a century. That way, the people of 2115 can experience the same thrill that we all would today if we got to hear some unreleased ragtime song from 1918 by a musician historians are vaguely aware of, and that's also an ad integration. Really, the best of all worlds here.

Related: 6 Buried Movies From Famous Talent ...That You'll Never See

Get Ready For An All-New Tintin Comic ... In 2052

When Herge, the creator of Tintin, died in 1983, he gave his express wishes that there not be any more Tintin comics created after his death. And his publisher, Casterman, has agreed to honor his wishes ... until the year 2052, when they're planning to release an all-new Tintin comic.

Methuen Publishing
Which will obviously translate to future generations, since it’s held up so well by today's standards.

Why such a specific year? Because Tintin enters the public domain in 2053, at which point it'll be legal for anyone to publish their own comics about the Belgian kid reporter and his dog battling pseudo-antisemitic stereotypes in turn-of-the-century opium dens, which the people of 2053 will assuredly be craving in the aftermath of World War IX.

So the publisher's not waiting forever, just long enough for anyone with any tangential fondness for the Tintin character to die out before cashing in on the dead author's legacy, which is probably what Herge secretly wanted. Casterman hasn't chosen a creative team yet, but they will keep an eye on some creative up-and-coming toddlers once the 2030s roll around. The comic will most likely be released in physical form, digital form, and also being beamed straight into everyone's cerebral cortexes to induce experiential "5D" seizure dreams (the most popular format of media in 2053).

Related: 5 Grossly Inappropriate Jokes on Kids' Comic Book Covers

In 2114, A Forest In Norway Will Become A Library Of All-New Works By Famous Authors

The Future Library is a conceptual art project in Norway that's inviting one author per year to contribute a piece, which will be sealed up, totally unseen by anyone else (including editors or publishers), until the year 2114. Concurrently, they're growing a forest with the express intent to turn the trees into the pages for these works, making them the only physical books that'll exist after, like, six years from now.

Margaret Atwood of Handmaid's Tale fame contributed the first piece, and David Mitchell (the author of Cloud Atlas) recently contributed as well. Authors are allowed to write whatever they want, as long as they don't show it to a single other person (including proofreaders) and delete any digital evidence immediately afterwards, and they'll be dead by the time anyone gets to review it. So basically, it's every writer's ultimate dream.

Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images
They were going to include George R.R. Martin, but were worried he wouldn’t be able to finish writing in time.

Here's their trendy-restaurant-ass-lookin' website, which will track the process from now until 2114, or at least until whenever J.K. Rowling does a book and her fans machete the entire forest, scorch the remains, and salt the earth when they aren't allowed to read it.

Related: Chill To The Newest Musical Genre: Library Takeout Jams

Marie Curie's Notebooks Are Too Radioactive To Look At For Another 1,500 Years

Marie Curie was one of the most significant members of the scientific community in the early 20th century, so it makes sense that her notebooks were saved for museums. The only problem is that by the time Curie died of radiation poisoning, all of her personal possessions were so thoroughly contaminated with radium -- which has a half life of 1,601 years -- that they now have to be sealed into lead-lined boxes.

If you visit the Pierre and Marie Curie collection at the Bibliotheque Nationale in France, some of her personal possessions -- including cookbooks, furniture, and more -- require special clothing to be handled, and people have to sign a waiver before observing them.

Marie Curie/Wellcome Images
Merely looking at this photo is equivalent to about six CAT scans.

That said, if anyone's great-great-great-great-great (x10,000) grandchildren are still mega-huge Curie Heads, they might be able to safely thumb through her notebooks around the year 3535. But hopefully, that's enough time for humanity to figure out what was in there independently.

Ever think about burying a time capsule for yourself and potential offspring? Just be sure to put more in it than just porn.

Support your favorite Cracked writers with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.

For more, check out 4 Awesome Marvel Movie Scenes You'll Never See And (Why) and 10 Highly Anticipated Video Games You'll Never Get To Play.

Follow us on Facebook ... before it's too late!

Related: The 6 Most Reckless Uses of Radioactive Material

Recommended For Your Pleasure

Forgot Password?