5

People Used To Celebrate Christmas By Getting Drunk And Rioting

Modern Christmas involves awkward interactions with estranged relatives and eating a worrying amount of food, and that alone stresses us out. But that's nothing compared to mid-19th-century America, when the holiday season was spring break crossed with Die Hard. Youths brawled, riots broke out, and the streets became holly jolly battlefields. More people dreaded Christmas than looked forward to it, because people called "fantasticals" would go out of their way to make life fantastically miserable for others.

Back then, Christmas was more of a public holiday, where you'd get out of the house to watch a horse race, go skating, etc. But if you were young and working class, you'd get drunk, set off explosives, fire guns, stage mock battles, block off roads, blast trumpets, sing, and generally try to make as much noise and chaos as humanly possible all day and night, often while cross-dressing or in blackface. If someone objected to the racket, well ...

Via Johns Hopkins Univ. PressThis is back when “Peace on Earth” and “Goodwill towards men” were typically pleas for mercy.

4

18th-Century "Pranks" Were Flat Out Dangerous

Old-timey pranks put our modern-day YouTube wangs to shame. One fun example was giving someone an explosive disguised as charcoal so you could chortle heartily when their fireplace blew up.

Other "jests" included vomiting on beggars and attacking them with dogs, knocking away people's lanterns so they couldn't see in the dark, nailing people's doors shut, just stealing shit, or getting drunk and rampaging through the streets while breaking windows, knocking people over, and presumably yelling "Merry Christmas!" The Enlightenment's formula for comedy was "misery plus other people, and that's it."

H. AlkenThough we have to admit, a few people really made an art of it.

3

People Used Ridiculous Disguises To Commit Crimes

While modern ghost enthusiasts are largely confined to low-budget reality TV shows, belief and curiosity in the spirit world used to be more widespread ... which of course meant that people were there to take advantage.

Sometimes it was just for fun, like in the case of a young 18th-century scholar who was in the middle of writing a local history when he decided to pretend that a well was haunted for "his own amusement." In 1621, Henry Church, with the help of some London magicians, pretended to be a ghost to convince his wife to give him her inheritance. One 17th-century conman pretended to be the ghost of a suicide victim said to be haunting a establishment so he could scare off gamblers and steal their money. Yep, an actual Scooby-Doo plot played out in reality.

Running Press PublishersZoinks, indeed.

2

Australia Had An Epidemic Of Psychotic Beach Bums

There's always that one jerk at the beach, blasting music, spreading his stuff over five of the best deckchairs, getting obnoxiously drunk, and generally ruining your day. And in Australia from around the 1880s to the 1910s, the beaches were dominated by those assholes. Known as larrikins, Australia's beach bullies would turn up by the dozens or even hundreds and then proceed to piss everyone off. Larrikins would start fights, take over facilities, and generally not be satisfied until they were ruining everyone else's time. Often while naked.

In one well-documented case, about 60 larrikins crashed the seventh annual picnic of the Amalgamated Journeymen Tailors' Association, a name so old-timey that a monocle has spontaneously appeared on your face just reading it. They started small, stealing a soccer ball and refusing to give it back, but soon escalated into crashing a dance pavilion, where they hurled their friends into other dancers. It should go without saying that most of them were drunk as hell for all of this.

The BulletinThese guys? Drunk? We refuse to believe it.

1

In Victorian England, Attacking The Police Was A National Pastime

The modern public's relationship with the police is complicated, but both sides are best friends compared to how things were in Victorian England. In the 1870s and '80s, baiting police officers was practically the national hobby. Methods of trolling included setting booby traps with tripwires, leading bobbies on merry chases, and straight up attacking police officers out of the blue.

In 1880, a drunk by the name of Joseph Broxup played an extended game of runaround with the police, quickly attacking them and then shutting doors in their faces when they chased him. This was a bit of a trend, as a Leeds constable named Prewer seemed to spend all of his time haplessly chasing around after people and then getting his ass kicked.

The Crown Court of England and WalesYou can’t look this good without making some enemies.

Other miscreants would get their dogs to attack police officers, sometimes for the sheer hell of it. Police were technically allowed to enter private property to do their jobs, but people were so resistant to the idea that constables were reluctant to investigate domestic violence, because often the only thing the abuser and the victim could agree on was that the police should fuck off. The police would even get shit for doing objectively helpful things, like returning mislaid property or pointing out doors that had accidentally been left unlocked and open.

Maybe this was all because the police themselves were less a Thin Blue Line and more Police Academy, spending a good chunk of time getting drunk instead of showing up for their shifts. It seems like sober policemen were more the exception than the rule, although given that the alcohol probably dulled the pain inflicted by random passersby for no apparent reason, maybe we're confusing cause and effect here.

And you know why you can't "pretend" to be a ghost anymore? Ghost costumes have gotten too darn adorable, that's why.

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For more, check out 5 Underreported Jerk Moves By Famous Historical Figures and 29 Insane Pastimes That Prove History Was Terrifying.

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