Adam Wears
·
Some film Easter eggs are so brilliant that they change your entire idea of the movie you're watching, the director who put it there, and potentially, life itself. Others are just funny as heck.
Let's talk about those.
The Harry Potter franchise is famous for its brilliant acting, amazing special effects, and plots that can only be resolved with bullshit deus ex machina. In Harry Potter III: Spooky Prison, this is the Marauder's Map, a magical piece of parchment that shows the positions of everyone in Hogwarts, which seems like a violation of privacy at best and plain ol' creeping on children at worst.
The catch -- and possibly the only thing which kept the Marauders from being locked away forever -- is that the map doesn't show what people are doing. In the case of the two students getting very close during the end credits of the movie, however, you don't need magical powers to know that they're playing a two-person game of "hide the broomstick."
Warner Bros. PicturesThat, or it's someone trying out some new shoes.
And before you give us hell for ruining this probably innocent moment with our filthy, filthy minds, remember that we're dealing with the same series that introduced us to questions like "How do giants do it?" and "How many centaur dongs can one middle-aged lady take?" Speaking frankly, it's a relief to know that with all the crazy dark sex stuff going on, one couple is simply enjoying themselves.
In the last episode of Stranger Things' second season, Billy (the mulleted bully) and Mrs. Wheeler (the mother of two main characters) come within a hair's breadth of banging Whitesnake-style on the hood of a Chevrolet Camaro. The internet's reaction was ... mixed, to say the least, with everyone glad that Mrs. Wheeler had a shot of finally getting some, but also sad that Billy didn't get his dick ripped off by a Demo-Dog.
This surprise moment, however, was foreshadowed literally seconds earlier by the book that Mrs. Wheeler was reading in the bath, Heart Of Thunder. It features a woman being lovingly ravished by a long-haired lothario who looks a little familiar ...
NetflixThe concept of the undershirt was invented in 1991.
According to the creators on Beyond Stranger Things -- the show's obligatory behind-the-scenes reactionfest -- Heart Of Thunder is a real book. Apparently, they only edited the cover in order to explain why Mrs. Wheeler would be attracted to Billy. That's right, he's such a detestable scoundrel that only in-universe literary brainwashing can explain why anyone would ever want to get down with him, the skankiest stud in the Hellmouth.
It's fair to say that, despite the illustrious career he's had, Jeff Bridges is always going to be The Dude, the pot-smoking, robe-wearing, carpet-loving protagonist of The Big Lebowski. It's an inescapable legacy, and whilst we'd kill to enjoy even a single modicum of that type of cool, it gets a little weird when filmmakers start referencing that movie even when it doesn't make a lick of sense. Case in point, this scene from Iron Man, wherein Pepper Potts hacks the computer of Obadiah Stane (Bridges' character) in order to find proof that he's a terrorist-supporting heel:
Marvel StudiosThe password was "strangerinthealps."
For a split second, a shipping manifest appears showing that The Big Stane smuggled weapons using a ship called MSC Lebowski which came out of Long Beach (where The Big Lebowski was partly filmed). The manifest vanishes before you can make out the tiny, tiny writing, but that's probably just as well. Thinking about the ramifications on the Marvel Universe, in which The Dude seemingly goes corporate and starts naming ships after himself, is enough to make us forget all about this "Avengers" nonsense and want that so bad.
You might not remember much about Batman Forever, the disappointing sequel to Tim Burton's two Batman movies. That's perfectly understandable, especially given the heady rush of excitement you experienced watching Jim Carrey and Tommy Lee Jones portray two of the most iconic supervillains in Western canon, and the wave of sadness that no doubt hit you immediately after you saw them act. Well, we're pleased to reveal that Burton was involved in this movie after all!
Kinda.
Warner Bros. PicturesWe're glad the wig from Edward Scissorhands is still getting work.
This (on the right, which hopefully goes without saying) is "Dr. Burton," a top doctor at Arkham Asylum who sporadically appears throughout the film to diagnose Two-Face and Riddler with "crazy." He was also featured in a deleted scene, in which he discovers Two-Face was the latest beneficiary of Arkham's lax security measures. He isn't named in the actual film, because Warner Bros. didn't have the stones to admit that they were sending up the guy whom they fired for making the films too scary -- a tone problem which Batman Forever and Batman & Robin tooootally nailed.
Hot Fuzz is both a great action movie and a repository of in-jokes and references to other action movies (especially Point Break). But in one scene, this lampooning also allows the movie to poke fun at director Edgar Wright's own previous film.
Did you notice the bargain bin DVD that Nick Frost threw Supercop ("the cop that can't be stopped") onto? It's called Zombies Party, and it's nothing but the DVD for Wright's Shaun Of The Dead with one of its foreign titles, presumably thought up because the original pun was considered too intellectual for some markets.
Universal Pictures
Rouge PicturesThey've Mike-Wazowski-ed Simon Pegg with a sticker to prevent a universe-bending paradox.
In Jurassic Park 2: Fair Enough, They Haven't Worked Out How These Things Always End Badly Yet, the villainous Big Dinosaur Pharma corporation InGen decides to spice up life in the 'burbs by accidentally unleashing a T-Rex on San Diego. In between bouts of eating people, the T-Rex trashes a video store which, on closer inspection, stocks some movies that we'd totally put up with a dinosaur attack to rent.
There's Jack And The Behnstacks, starring Robin Williams ...
Universal PicturesA sequel to the Francis Ford Coppola masterpiece, presumably.
... Tsunami Surprise, starring Tom Hanks, a spoof that we can only hope inspired Castaway ...
Universal PicturesWhy is Hanks played by a buff Dan Aykroyd, though?
... and, bless our stars, King Lear starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, which is somehow a more sensible version of Hamlet from Last Action Hero.
Universal PicturesFor younger readers: A "videocassette" was something people watched movies on back around Shakespeare's time.
What's pretty cool is that they hired Drew Struzan -- the illustrator who did the posters for Indiana Jones, Star Wars, Harry Potter, and every other movie you love -- to paint the King Lear poster in his classic style. All for a dumb joke that lasted less than a second in total. We'd consider this a classic example of what makes Spielberg an amazing director, but it's hard to lavish praise on him when his microscope-like attention to detail is used to create cherries on the top of the turd sundae that was The Lost World.
In Spider-Man 2, the Tobey Maguirest incarnation of Peter Parker loses his powers because his life as a photojournalist and superhero has given him a major dose of performance anxiety -- a situation compounded by the fact that Robert Downey Jr. isn't around yet to give him a pep talk. So in order to kick-start his powers, Peter decides to fling himself off a building. Which seems extreme, but it's OK! According to Peter, he simply needs a "strong focus," and everything'll turn out fine.
It does not.
Columbia Pictures
Columbia PicturesWe hate to ruin your fun, but that's probably an extra, not Tobey.
Wait, rewind the GIF. What's the model of the sturdy car that breaks his fall?
Columbia Pictures
Hey, he found his strong Focus! Good job, man! We think.
Adam Wears is on Twitter and Facebook, and has a newsletter about depressing history that you should definitely subscribe to.
Get to writing your own ridiculous gags with a beginner's guide to Celtx, and maybe we'll notice it someday.
Support Cracked's journalism with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.
For more, check out 12 Brilliant Jokes Hiding In Movie Credits and 7 Secret Jokes You Never Noticed In The Background Of Movies.
Follow us on Facebook, and we'll follow you everywhere.
You don't make astonishing amounts of money without ending up a jerk in some way.
The stories we tell about movies are as important as the movies themselves.
Criminal behavior can be influenced by some very weird, seemingly random factors.
Even our most popular forms of entertainment can treat their employees like absolute trash.
The news spent weeks reporting on these giant scandals without bothering to mention the stupidest parts.
Even Hollywood couldn't deny these films were total thievery.
113 Comments