But for the more awesome dudes and dudettes who want to stay cool forever, you could also be turned into a "tobacco" pipe (for any cops reading) and make sure your friends and family never get high without you again. In the afterlife, you don't get smoked out -- they smoke out of you.

Smokin' JsWe’re trying out our "Yakov Smirnoff of the Undead" comedy bit. We hope it landed, since we already bought the hat.

Smokin Js is located in the Pacific Northwest (of course), and has to be the coolest way to be dead since Twilight ruined teenage vampires for everybody. For a small down payment and a scoop of ash, their resident artists will ensure that your circle never forgets you. At least for the first five minutes.

Smokin' Js

Smokin' JsRest In Piece

Or you can visit the swanky Nirvana Memorial Garden Columbarium. Located in Singapore's largest cemetery, this "six star premium" (it's one higher!) facility looks like a scene out of Flash Gordon.

When visitors arrive, they're heralded by a smoke machine and $2 million sound and light system that rocks hard enough to wake the dead. Oh no, not like that. We're so sorry for your loss.

There are several golden urn storage columns if you've always wanted to lay your deceased to rest in a Trump hotel, though the Garden recommends their "elegant premium suite with exquisite crystal crafted tablets," which "symbolizes the highest level of respect and gratitude" you can show their wallets- sorry, your loved ones.

Nirvana ColumbariumPaying five bucks to operate the giant claw that grabs your particular urn out of the pile seems like a bit much, though.

There's even a nice cafeteria with a "cozy atmosphere" and several private lounges with "VIP design," in case any of the bereaved are also rappers waiting on bottle service.

The ritual is called Ngaben, which comes from a Balinese term that means "to turn into ash." Sounds normal so far, but stay with us. On the day of your Ngaben, your family first dresses you in a traditional Balinese outfit so lavish and vibrant it would make stun even ... well, David Bowie. Then they put you in either a wadah, a giant tower made of colorful paper and wood ...

Guillaume/FlickrNaked green woman optional.

... or a lembu, a large sarcophagus shaped like a mystical ox, dragon, or lion.

William Cho/Flickr"Your choices are a badass predator, a mythical flying lizard that breathes fire, or what is basically a Hydrox-brand cow."

And you'll need that epic mount. All throughout the Ngaben, it is the task of the funeral attendees to help the deceased in any way they can for their upcoming epic battle against the forces of evil. During the procession, pallbearers will rotate the sarcophagus three times at all junctions in an attempt to give any evil spirits the slip. Then, during the cremation itself, traditional battle music is played to signify that your soul is now fighting off evil spirits while trying to ascend to the realm of gods and ancestors. Twelve days later, your loved ones gather up your ashes, put them in a coconut, and float it in the ocean, which is just the kind of relaxing holiday you'd want after two weeks spent fighting evil underworld denizens while dead and on fire.

Chikahiro Tokoro/FlickrTry not to think too much about the brazen bull.

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For more, check out The 6 Least Solemn Funerals Around The World and 5 Steps To Having The Most Badass Funeral Ever.

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