5 Hilariously Badass Ways You Can Die In Style

This is 21 Grams, a project by Mark Sturkenboom, an artist from the Netherlands. Sturkenboom was inspired to create a more intimate final resting place after seeing the drab urn his neighbor kept her deceased husband in. "She always speaks with so much love about but the jar he was in didn't reflect that at all." By which he apparently meant that the urn clearly couldn't fit into her vagina.

The box contains a drawer to keep mementos in, a docking area for your phone to play some music, a scent diffuser containing the deceased's signature scent, and of course, a glass dildo with a gold-plated urn big enough to ensure nobody feels inadequate in the afterlife.

But slightly more wholesome necrophilia doesn't come cheaply, so to speak. Getting all up in those 21 grams will cost $8,700. That price tag also includes a beautiful gold-plated brass key that your significant other can wear around their neck for the times they feel the sudden urge to quickly get into your box.

But for the more awesome dudes and dudettes who want to stay cool forever, you could also be turned into a "tobacco" pipe (for any cops reading) and make sure your friends and family never get high without you again. In the afterlife, you don't get smoked out -- they smoke out of you.

Smokin Js is located in the Pacific Northwest (of course), and has to be the coolest way to be dead since Twilight ruined teenage vampires for everybody. For a small down payment and a scoop of ash, their resident artists will ensure that your circle never forgets you. At least for the first five minutes.

When visitors arrive, they're heralded by a smoke machine and $2 million sound and light system that rocks hard enough to wake the dead. Oh no, not like that. We're so sorry for your loss.

There are several golden urn storage columns if you've always wanted to lay your deceased to rest in a Trump hotel, though the Garden recommends their "elegant premium suite with exquisite crystal crafted tablets," which "symbolizes the highest level of respect and gratitude" you can show their wallets- sorry, your loved ones.

There's even a nice cafeteria with a "cozy atmosphere" and several private lounges with "VIP design," in case any of the bereaved are also rappers waiting on bottle service.

The ritual is called Ngaben, which comes from a Balinese term that means "to turn into ash." Sounds normal so far, but stay with us. On the day of your Ngaben, your family first dresses you in a traditional Balinese outfit so lavish and vibrant it would make stun even ... well, David Bowie. Then they put you in either a wadah, a giant tower made of colorful paper and wood ...

... or a lembu, a large sarcophagus shaped like a mystical ox, dragon, or lion.

And you'll need that epic mount. All throughout the Ngaben, it is the task of the funeral attendees to help the deceased in any way they can for their upcoming epic battle against the forces of evil. During the procession, pallbearers will rotate the sarcophagus three times at all junctions in an attempt to give any evil spirits the slip. Then, during the cremation itself, traditional battle music is played to signify that your soul is now fighting off evil spirits while trying to ascend to the realm of gods and ancestors. Twelve days later, your loved ones gather up your ashes, put them in a coconut, and float it in the ocean, which is just the kind of relaxing holiday you'd want after two weeks spent fighting evil underworld denizens while dead and on fire.

Support Cracked's journalism with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.

For more, check out The 6 Least Solemn Funerals Around The World and 5 Steps To Having The Most Badass Funeral Ever.

Follow us on Facebook. And we'll follow you everywhere.