6

Tobacco Companies Invented Type A/B Personalities To Avoid Blame For Heart Attacks

Type A personalities are stressed workaholics prone to angry outbursts, while Type Bs are more relaxed and agreeable. Those are all of the types. Clearly, there are no people who fall outside of those definitions.

But why did such a reductive categorization take hold in American culture? Oddly enough, it's because of cigarettes. It turns out that for years, the tobacco industry was involved in both financially influencing studies about and propagating the idea of this binary personality system. Yep, Type A / Type B personalities are "to a large extent a construct of the tobacco industry."

Lucky StrikeBut it's not like they could bribe thousands of medical professionals to go along with them, right?

5

It's Only "Spanish Flu" Because Spain Was The First To Admit It Was Happening

In 1918-1919, there was a huge flu outbreak that seemed to hit all parts of the globe almost simultaneously, like a pirated episode of Game Of Thrones, only slightly more grim. The virus was 25 times more lethal than previous flu outbreaks, and 50-100 million worldwide died from it. It didn't help that nobody wanted to report it because there happened to be a world war going on, and no one wanted "discouraging news" coming out of their country. This was before quick, personal long-distance communication was practical, so it's not like you could text your buddy in England "lol diying of flu wyd."

US ArmyHow did people even manage to send thoughts and prayers back then?

4

The Cuban Missile Crisis Was A Diplomatic Success, Not A Political Dick-Measuring Contest

The standard narrative of the Cuban Missile Crisis goes like this: On October 24, 1962, Russians tried to put nukes in Cuba, and JFK went "eyeball to eyeball" with them, and never blinked. It's the reason the U.S. is rarely willing to budge when another party wants to negotiate, thinking "All I have to do is swing my big American dick around like Kennedy, and my foe will crumble beneath its mace-like blows."

JFK Presidential Library"Ah, yes, Mr. President, I see your enormous penis battering our enemies right there."

3

So-Called "Tulip Mania" Was Calvinist Propaganda

The famed Dutch tulip craze is the oft-repeated example about the dangers of economic bubbles. Unfortunately, pretty much every wild "Tulip Mania" story -- the economy collapsing, certain breeds eclipsing mansions in price, citizens being jailed for accidentally eating a tulip bulb -- was made up by Calvinists, a once-influential branch of the Protestant church that has somewhat dwindled in modern times, probably thanks to, y'know, all these lies.

2

The Enemy At The Gates Sniper Duel Was Pure Myth

The duel between Nazi sniper instructor Major Konig and ordinary Soviet citizen turned expert killer Vasily Zaitsev is so legendary that it got its own movie, Enemy At The Gates.

1

Roosevelt Didn't Spare That Teddy Bear

Teddy Roosevelt is a man of many legends, most of them deserved. It's said that one day in 1902, while hunting in the backwoods of Mississippi, Teddy was offered the opportunity to kill a captured bear. This was the early 20th century version of letting your guest have the biggest chicken wing. Appalled by the gesture, and out of solidarity for his fellow beast, Roosevelt spared its life. This whole thing inspired a local toymaker to create the "teddy bear." Honestly, it's weird that more iconic toys don't come out of hunting mishaps.

Of course, it's obvious this story is bullshit as soon as you hear that Roosevelt let the bear go without trying to wrestle it. In actuality, he did refuse to kill the bear ... but then ordered his helpers to kill it for him. They slit its throat and carried it back to camp, where they all dined on roasted bear over the course of several days. It's not clear why anyone felt the need to make up a story when "I heard he once ate a whole bear" was right there. It is clear, however, who did it: That most wretched of creatures, the political cartoonist.

Clifford K. Berryman/The Washington PostThough this may have easily been about Teddy's decision to not kill and eat that man

It was this cartoon that inspired the creation of the teddy bear, a toy which itself went on to become a symbol of the Republican Party during the 1904 elections. These toy bears were handed out as promotional materials intended to associate Roosevelt with family values and softness, which had to have been his campaign manager's idea. If Roosevelt had his way, every voter would have gotten a swift punch in the mouth, which he called "a gentleman's handshake."

Adam has a Twitter and a Facebook, as well as a newsletter about depressing historical facts (i.e. the best kind of historical facts). Britni Patterson writes traditional mysteries when she's not trying to spread propaganda in the favor of adding a third day to the weekend. You can find her on Twitter, Facebook, or at her website.

Friendly reminder that the 4th-best Teddy is still Teddy Ruxpin.

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