Jim Bakker is a televangelist who would like to warn us about the coming of the anti-Christ. He'd also like you to buy his $60 bucket of pancake mix, which he claims can help protect you from damnation. Why, because Satan prefers waffles? Well, no, apparently it's because his pancake mix will fight hunger, and the anti-Christ will only be able to claim your soul while you're hangry.
If you'd like to misplace your trust in an televangelist, maybe don't chose this one. Sadly, his pancake shilling is not the worst thing he's done. He has been accused of drugging and raping his secretary back in the 1980's. His company, err, I mean, that is, his "ministry," PTL (Praise The Lord) tried to pay her $363,700 in hush money. And because the universe is a bit of an a*****e, a judge ordered the secretary to pay back the money after she refused to stay silent.
Jim Bakker, meanwhile, wound up in prison for fraud. Now he's out, and is using his freedom to shill pancake mix in the name of the Lord. I don't believe in hell, but I really, really want there to be one, just so God and Satan can tag-team wail on Jim Bakker. "You don't speak for me, you me-damned piece of crap!" God says with Bakker in a leglock. Then Satan comes behind Bakker and hits him with a foldable chair. "Who in the here do you think you are?" The crowd goes wild when Jesus tags in and smacks Bakker upside the head with a bucket of pancake mix. "Breakfast time, ya douche!"
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