Ex-con televangelist Jim Bakker was on TV making the claim that his $60 bulk pancake mix can protect you from damnation, because, WE'RE NOT GOING TO

Jim Bakker is a televangelist who would like to warn us about the coming of the anti-Christ. He'd also like you to buy his $60 bucket of pancake mix, which he claims can help protect you from damnation. Why, because Satan prefers waffles? Well, no, apparently it's because his pancake mix will fight hunger, and the anti-Christ will only be able to claim your soul while you're hangry.

If you'd like to misplace your trust in an televangelist, maybe don't chose this one. Sadly, his pancake shilling is not the worst thing he's done. He has been accused of drugging and raping his secretary back in the 1980's. His company, err, I mean, that is, his "ministry," PTL (Praise The Lord) tried to pay her $363,700 in hush money. And because the universe is a bit of an asshole, a judge ordered the secretary to pay back the money after she refused to stay silent.

Jim Bakker, meanwhile, wound up in prison for fraud. Now he's out, and is using his freedom to shill pancake mix in the name of the Lord. I don't believe in hell, but I really, really want there to be one, just so God and Satan can tag-team wail on Jim Bakker. "You don't speak for me, you me-damned piece of crap!" God says with Bakker in a leglock. Then Satan comes behind Bakker and hits him with a foldable chair. "Who in the here do you think you are?" The crowd goes wild when Jesus tags in and smacks Bakker upside the head with a bucket of pancake mix. "Breakfast time, ya douche!"

Check out this week's trending things!

Bus Interrupts Cameraman's Once In A Lifetime Shot

You Can Buy Christmas MAGA Hats To Alienate Your Family

Tourists Fined For Borat Costumes Don't Realize It's 2017

Watch Your Back Mark Wahlberg: DARPA Is Making Spy Plants

How Did This Suggestive Statue Get Past Quality Control?

For more check out What Stupid News About Millennials Is There Now? (11/14/2017) and What Stupid Thing Is Trending Now? (11/19/2017).

Subscribe to our YouTube channel and check out Why The Right Is So Dishonest About American History - Some News (Thanksgiving, Football), and watch other videos you won't see on the site!

Also follow our Pictofacts Facebook page. It will be the best click you ever click.

Get the Cracked Daily Newsletter!

We've got your morning reading covered.


Forgot Password?