"You know, that's an original Renoir," Trump told his biographer, Tim O'Brien. O'Brien argued with Trump that it couldn't be real, but Trump wouldn't hear of it. The slight incongruity O'Brien picked up on is that the Art Institute of Chicago hosts the very same painting in their gallery, and has since 1933. Art historians are pretty certain that Renoir never painted copies of his own paintings. So what gives? How is this possible. Could... the President of the United States be lying?
Obviously that's ridiculous. Why would Trump lie about something so easily disproven? Then again, it's unlikely the Art Institute is lying either. Museum nerds are too square to lie. So there's only one feasible possibility: Trump is a genius art thief.
Before you scoff, think about it: what better cover is there for an art thief than the office of the presidency? That would also explain why he clearly doesn't really want to be president: turns out, his secret passion all along has been art thieving. Here's how he pulled it off: first, he created a national diversion by creating a relentless flow of scandal and news of corruption coming out of the white house. While the museum staff was distracted worrying about the state of the country, he snuck in wearing a black unitard and balaclava, suspended by a rope lowered down from the skylight in the roof. Once in front of the painting, he sprays some of his self-tanner, revealing a net of laser security beams. With the dexterity and agility only his small, nimble fingers are capable of, he makes the switch: replacing the real Renoir with an extremely convincing fake. His assistant, Roger Stone, hoists him back up through the roof, and none are the wiser.
Imagine how frustrating it would be to be the world's most accomplished art thief, only to be known as the least competent president in the history of the U.S. No wonder he couldn't help but let his secret slip to his biographer. As people mock him for stupidly bragging about his "fake" Renoir, only he knows that it is indeed the real one, that he's cleverly made to seem cheap by cutting it to go in a much smaller frame than would fit the original.
For you skeptics out there, what makes more sense: that the President of the United States is so cripplingly insecure, he feels the need to lie about a famous painting, and when called out on it, continues to insist it's real? Or, that the President is a secret art thief who pulled off an unprecedented heist with no personal benefit whatsoever?
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