Just take a moment to look at that butt. I can understand why people think it's fake. It's in the Uncanny Valley of butts. Nobody's butt looks like two perfect, frictionless spheres. The shape of it is far too unnervingly precise to be naturally occurring. But Tom Cruise is a Scientologist, which means he physically can't lie or his blood contract will make him age 1,000 years in 30 seconds, rendering him a pile of bone and dust.
So the only explanation is that Tom Cruise's butt is an alien. Not Tom Cruise himself, mind you. He may be strange, but he clearly falls within the normal range of humans whose livers naturally produce amphetamines. An alien has attached itself to Tom Cruise's real butt, entering into a symbiotic relationship with the actor. The alien gives Tom Cruise acting advice, while Tom Cruise feeds the alien blood from his butt. It's a beautiful example of two species coexisting in harmony: a charismatic middle-aged actor, and an alien creature with a cleft between two perfectly smooth orbs.
Whenever something good is created, the instinct is to run it into the ground until it turns to plasma in the earth's molten core. Remember Grumpy Cat? The cat with the adorably discontented scowl? Well, there was a Christmas special made of it, because if you enjoy a few minutes of looking at a cat's cute face, surely you'll enjoy 1 hour and 25 minutes of it. The same is happening to beloved character David S. Pumpkins. The David S. Pumpkins skit wasn't charming because of the thoroughly developed character of the titular S. Pumpkins. After watching it, though Pumpkins does prompt, "Any questions?" the answer is no, I had no questions. It was a self contained skit. I was completely satisfied with the story and needed no further context or exposition about this Pumpkins character. In the skit, a hapless couple rides on a "Haunted Elevator" attraction, and is met with typical scary Halloween characters, and then the bizarre presence of David S. Pumpkins. They repeatedly ask for an explanation, and get none. That's what made the skit. Sometimes in art, it's the negative space that makes a piece truly genius.