That "someone else" is actually one guy in particular. George Shtraykhman, a 25-year-old telemarketer, is a non-Jewish Israeli citizen. And once every seven years, George also temporarily becomes one of the biggest landowners on Earth, with approximately $33 billion worth of Israeli land. A year later, he gives it all back, because there's one thing better than being a billionaire: being a mensch.
Catholics Can Eat Beaver During Lent Due To The Church Classifying Them As "Fish"
If you're both Catholic and a hardcore carnivore, then you probably dread Lent, the annual six-week tradition leading up to Easter during which you're not supposed to eat meat on Fridays. For them, the prospect of avoiding bacon for six entire days every year is too much to bear. They just want meat, and any kind of meat will do.
In the 17th Century, Catholic colonists in Northern America were suffering under the Church's tyrannical rule which dictated that for a few days a year, they should consider eating a couple of fucking vegetables instead of shooting another buffalo. But according to official Catholic doctrine, fish does not count as meat, so some clever priests figured that all they needed to do was expand the definition of what a fish is. So the newly appointed Bishop of Quebec successfully lobbied his superiors in Rome to have beavers (as well as other semi-aquatic mammals) reclassified as "fish" for culinary purposes. Hell, by this metric, Michael Phelps is fair game, as long as you catch him in the water.
This adjustment was so successful that the "beavers are fish" dogma survives to this day. In fact, the beaver meat trade is so lucrative during Lent that some restaurants have gotten in on the action. Brenton Brown, co-owner of Bootleggin' BBQ in heavily Catholic St. Louis, put smoked beaver on his menu after realizing that business sharply declined during Lent. Their profits have since skyrocketed, though the same cannot be said for the beaver population.
Other restaurants in Catholic neighborhoods around America have taken to including muskrat on their, uh, fish menu, even though they reportedly taste less like halibut and more like a pile of fried assholes. Still better than tofu, though.
Was it the "musk" part or the "rat" part that screamed "Lunch"?
S. Peter Davis is the creator of the Three Minute Philosophy YouTube series, and is the author of the book Occam's Nightmare.
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