5 Great Moments In Entertainment History (Nobody Witnessed)
Today, everything is documented by the millions of cameras in our pockets, on our street corners, or installed in our toilets by our creepy landlords. As a culture, we miss nothing. The internet is our collective memory, and it is omniscient. Praise be to YouTube (may you always like and subscribe). But back in the before times, if something truly unique and amazing happened, you either had to be standing right there to watch it or hope whoever was there had excellent descriptive skills. There are a ton of incredible pop culture moments we just plain missed at the time, and if we want to revisit them now, we can only close our eyes and imagine. For example ...
Eazy-E Recorded With Guns 'N' Roses
Axl Rose was an early supporter of NWA, and that's surprising, if only for the fact that Axl Rose ever supported anyone. The feeling was mutual; the two groups inexplicably became friendly, started hanging out after shows, and even discussed touring together. But those plans fell through when NWA's then-manager / real-life cartoon villain Jerry Heller demanded too much money. DJ Yella blames the ensuing fallout for Dr. Dre leaving the group, but even that couldn't tarnish the beautiful friendship between NWA and Guns 'N' Roses.
Eazy-E thought the media treated Guns 'N' Roses too harshly after the release of their controversial song "One In A Million." And E didn't just issue a statement in Axl's defense; he recorded a demo for a proposed collaboration. According to Axl, the song "attack the media over attacking ," and it was ... not very good. That's probably why it's never been released. It's just as well; try not to think about what their supergroup name would be.
Though there was no official collaboration, the two bands did still jam together occasionally. Slash even played guitar (uncredited) on E's contribution to the Beverly Hills Cop III soundtrack.
Eddie Murphy's character's name in that film?
The Star Wars Cast Partied With Monty Python And The Rolling Stones
It all began when Carrie Fisher woke up the night before shooting a famous scene to find Eric Idle and Michael Palin of Monty Python partying downstairs. This is not as weird as it sounds. During filming for The Empire Strikes Back, Fisher was renting Idle's London house while the Pythons filmed Life Of Brian in Tunisia. Oh, and the Rolling Stones were there too, because they just materialize when enough famous people get loaded together in one place. Drunken calls were made, as they always are, and the other two-thirds of the Star Wars main trio soon arrived:
Along with the guy they shaved to make the Chewbacca costume.
It turned out to be quite a shindig, thanks in no small part to a potent date liqueur Idle had brought with him from Tunisia. It is alternately called the "Tunisian Death Drink," or "Tunisian Table Cleaner," presumably depending on the damage done. The Pythons had been using it on set to keep extras awake and make them work longer, because labor laws in the '70s were either terrible or awesome, it's hard to tell. It seems the stuff worked as advertised, because the Star Wars cast stayed up until dawn drinking and partying. Fisher and Ford arrived two hours late to the set that morning, with a combined total of zero hours sleep. Wide awake and still shitfaced, they filmed their arrival in Cloud City -- one of the few scenes in the series in which they can be caught smiling:
Possibly because they were still drunk, and possibly because they are the only people to cross the Millennium Falcon off their "Places to do it" list.
And now you know why.
George Carlin Got Arrested With Lenny Bruce
Lenny Bruce was arrested for obscenity so many times that he literally lost count. He's basically the messiah of modern comedy, in that he was ... moderately inconvenienced for our sins. But, like, a lot! One of those arrests happened after a show at the Gate of Horn in Chicago in 1962. Bruce performed a set for a small crowd which included a joke about President Truman being "strung up ... by the balls." It was precisely what the undercover policeman in the audience was waiting to hear. Yes, "dick joke stings" were a thing in the '60s. After pulling Bruce offstage, hopefully with a comically oversized hook, police stood at the door to check the ID of everyone whose party they had just pooped. One of those people was a man who would go on to be widely considered Bruce's spiritual successor: 25-year-old George Carlin.
And he was completely hammered.
Carlin didn't exactly respect authority on his most sober days, so it's no surprise what happened next. He informed the police that he didn't "believe in ID," and for the unthinkable offense of sarcasm, he earned his own luxury seat in the police car, right next to Bruce and the club owner.
This was the same night Carlin discovered the seven words you can never say to a cop.
Bruce sorta knew Carlin from previous shows, but he couldn't have known that he was now sitting next to the man who would take up his torch one day. So upon learning what his fan and compatriot had gone down for, he looked Carlin in the eye and ... called him a schmuck. Carlin had apparently made quite the impression, because according to Penn Jillette, a tape exists of Bruce talking about the "asshole kid" who got arrested with him that night. Don't mistake Bruce's vulgarity for malice; it was Bruce who eventually got Carlin his first agent. In the '60s, being called an asshole by Lenny Bruce was the best thing that could happen to you.
Salvador Dali Made A Surrealist Cartoon With Walt Disney
Salvador Dali and Walt Disney first met at a house party thrown by Jack Warner, and they instantly hit it off. Dali considered Disney one of America's greatest surrealists, and if you've seen Dumbo, it's hard to argue with him.
For Disney's part, he respected Dali's mustache game.
They got along so well, in fact, that they decided to collaborate on an animated short. It would have been Dali's only animation credit. It was to include Walt's animation style, a Mexican love ballad, and as many of Dali's mind-demons as they could cram in there.
The result was a film called Destino, the heartwarming story of a young woman (that's Disney's bit), and the personification of time that falls in love with her (theeeere's Dali). Featured scenes include dozens of basketball-sized eyes staring at a rapidly stripping woman, who is then sucked into a conch shell, then later has her head morph into a dandelion, and then a baseball, which is nailed for a home run. Baseball as a metaphor for life is cool, but the bread hats could use some explanation.
Ever notice how women be all "I'm gonna die someday" and Chronos be all "kinda hungry, but I don't know how food works"?
The project was soon abandoned, so we'll never see exactly what Waltador had in mind, but it was eventually completed by Disney's nephew, presumably after a blow to the head knocked some repressed memories loose. His version was screened around the world back in 1999, but considering you were probably deep into your boy band phase at the time, you probably didn't see it. Fortunately, we have YouTube (praise be, may you always like and subscribe), as well as some truly terrifying concept art.
Ah yes, what love ballad is complete without some disembodied faces stapled to turtles?
Jimi Hendrix Jammed With Eric Clapton -- And Scared Him Offstage
Jimi Hendrix and Eric Clapton: We've heard the guitar gods cover each other's songs, but can you imagine them jamming together? Well, you're gonna have to. Imagine, that is, because it actually happened, but we have no recording of it.
The story goes that while he was still relatively unknown, Hendrix hopped on stage at a college show Clapton was playing and proceeded to melt the faces of everybody present with his rendition of Howlin' Wolf's "Killing Floor." Clapton famously considered that particular song far too difficult to play live, and Hendrix played it with both hands behind his back.
And he didn't even have the tabs to the song.
It's hard to say how Clapton felt about the whole thing, but actions speak louder than words: He walked right off the goddamn stage. Backstage, Clapton was seen trying and failing to light a cigarette while muttering "Is he really that good?"
Inspired by (or perhaps out of spite for) Hendrix, "Killing Floor" would eventually make it's way into Clapton's set list. But Hendrix showed him up again by using it as the opener during his breakthrough performance at the Monterey Pop Festival the following year. We're not sure what Clapton did to Jimi to provoke such savagery, but one thing is certain: When Clapton eventually passes, Jimi's going to be waiting for him at the pearly gates with guitar at the ready.
Tony Alpsen is also to blame for Ying & Yan, a weekly comic strip about conjoined twins who can't stand each other. At press time, it has not been removed from Yingandyan.com, Tapastic, or Twitter. Watch Dawn tweet into the void and wait for the void to tweet back at @DawnSmash.
You too can get trippy with Dali and Disney right here. But be strong. Not everyone can handle watching their childhood melt in front of their very eyes.
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