Because of how Donald Trump can dominate the entire media with nothing but a handful of dumb tweets, things fall can through the cracks. Like his selection of Michael Pence as a running mate, which lasted maybe half a news cycle before we collectively figured there were bigger fish to fry than the cod-like governor of Indiana.
But Indiana ain't just cornfields and basketball. It's the crossroads of America (surrounded by cornfields and basketball courts), and we shouldn't have been so quick to brush aside its governor. Since a lot of people are desperately searching for a lamp to rub to wish Trump away, we thought it'd be worth putting together some facts about the man who'd probably take his place if shit goes down. And boy do we have some bad news.
Pence Fucking Hates Mulan
After a "soft launch" at a political career, Pence decided to try something different and went into talk radio. It was a convenient way to stay in politics without actually having to assist the public. He described himself as "Rush Limbaugh on decaf" -- all the hate without the sweet release of an early heart attack. We could use this space to go into detail about how sharp and measured Pence may have appeared over the radio, and clips do exist of him speaking fairly eloquently to his echo chamber, but it's a much more interesting character study to delve into the time he got mad at Disney for their "liberal" portrayal of women in the military in Mulan. So what was Pence's exact problem with the movie? is it the gender identity issues? No, Tumblr has more opinions on that than Pence could have even dreamed of. Is it the commercial association the film had with McDonald's? Clearly, he never tried that Szechuan Nugget Sauce. Is it that he doesn't respect women the same way that he does men? Yup, there we are:
The Mike Pence Show
Playing a Republican crowd favorite, Pence donned the officer and a gentleman persona, saying he wants to keep women out of the military for their own safety. Look, ladies, male soldiers are going to keep sexually harassing and assaulting women. That will never change. Which is why Pence was worried that Mulan would inspire young princesses to serve their country and and turn brave heroes into sex offenders. He even refers to how Bambi ruined the debate on deer hunting in America. Seriously, what kind of maniac watches Bambi and is on the side of the hunters?
Regardless of his ridiculous positions on ancient Chinese familial dynamics and the importance of honor in service, Pence used that radio show to keep his name in the news across Indiana, and it didn't take long before Hoosiers were listening to him on over 20 stations statewide for several hours a week. So when he ran for Congress again in the '00s, he had a well-known position on every issue, name recognition across the state, and a media savvy that was hard to match in a state like Indiana. Finally, he had a real victory under his belt, but the ridiculousness of his career wasn't even close to finished.
He Calls His Wife "Mother"
Mike Pence and his wife Karen have, on the surface, a pretty fantastic-looking marriage, if your definition of a fantastic marriage only includes missionary. They've been together since college, they've been blessed with smart kids, and Karen has remained loyal to Mike even as pledged his loyalty to a man who embodies the opposite of everything they believe as Christians.