Nowhere is the condition more prevalent than in Sweden, where a full 5 percent of the population believe they are, to some degree, hypersensitive to electromagnetic waves (that's a more than 200 percent increase since 2002). Those hundreds of thousands of cases are probably why Sweden is currently the only country to acknowledge electromagnetic hypersensitivity as an official functional impairment, meaning Swedish citizens can receive financial compensation for the negative effects resulting from the condition. Swedish social services sometimes pay to electrically "sanitize" homes via the installation of metallic shielding, or even rent out remote cabins to the most severe cases of those who cannot stomach populated areas. Expensive, EHS-friendly healthcare facilities have been made available to the public, and there's even talk in Stockholm of constructing an entire EMF-free community, which we're going to go ahead and assume would be the village from The Village.

All this for a condition that is entirely self-diagnosed, mostly because there's not one damned bit of scientific evidence that it truly exists. One thing we can say for certain about the Swedish government: They have no shortage of faith in their citizens.

Niyazz/iStockThis stock photo Swedish doctor's opinion holds as much say as an actual Swedish doctor's on the matter.

Now, none of this is to say that sufferers of EHS aren't really suffering -- with the exception of the occasional chronic hooky-player, they're most definitely experiencing all manner of uncomfortable symptoms, ranging from headaches to fatigue to nausea to nosebleeds. However, studies have demonstrated that cognitive behavioral therapy (of the same type used to treat conditions such as depression, stress, and anxiety) can significantly reduce so-called EHS symptoms after a mere six months of treatment. So while we're not downplaying the plight of hypersensitive Swedes, we are saying that maybe, just maybe, constructing a goddamned Sweden-sized tinfoil hat isn't the answer.

Odder is the fact that opening a window on a sweltering bus in Germany is likely to earn you irritated shouts of "Es zieht!" and a swift smack with the riding crop we imagine every German carries. Directly translated, that means "It pulls" -- because the draft supposedly pulls the health and well-being straight out of you. So fearful of air currents are some Germans that they blame them for conditions ranging from migraines to insomnia to kreislaufzusammenbruch. No, we didn't kick our laptop down the stairs and into a passing thresher; that monstrous word translates to "circulatory collapse," and while in most places such a condition would get you good and dead, in Germany it gets you a day off work if you're lucky. Because what's a little organ system failure to a people who consume their beer by the liter?

Deklofenak/iStock"This is the only draft we want to deal with."

Interestingly, there is one real, measurable effect of the much-feared German drafts: When the aforementioned foehn blows in, it brings with it an uptick in traffic accidents and crime. Perhaps because everyone is convinced it's a sign that their days are numbered. In neighboring Austria and parts of Switzerland, the foehn is even recognized as a mitigating factor in criminal proceedings, making this quite possibly the only circumstance in which the Swayze defense is a viable strategy.

That's how you wind up with a heavy drug consumption culture in which nearly a quarter of men under 35 fear that they're suffering from some medical boogeyman, even when experiencing no symptoms whatsoever. Luckily, there are over 5,000 drugs readily available in France, more than half of which "serve no useful purpose" other than shooting their social medical system budget straight to shit.

Except in India, where a homeopathy practitioner can hang their fancy Homeopathy Practitioner Certificate on the wall of their honest-to-god medical practice. Indeed, it's the second most popular form of medical treatment in India behind allopathy (better known to most of the world as "non-bullshit medicine"), with around 10 percent of the population putting their trust in flower petals and crossed fingers to cure everything from swine flu to cancer. And they're doing so with the backing of the government -- India is home to hundreds of homeopathic medical colleges and university programs, with state councils training and registering thousands of new practitioners at a growing rate each year.

marilyna/iStock Death rate growth soon to follow ...

More horrifying yet is the fact that the Maharashtra state government, in response to an ongoing shortage of science-based medical practitioners, is all set to promote hundreds of homeopathic placebo peddlers to actual doctors, citing the oft-ignored "good 'nuff" school of medical training. That's sort of like if Florida had a shortage of plumbers, so they handed out plumbing certifications to everyone who'd ever played Super Mario Bros. Either scenario involves disturbing levels of both shit and random mushrooms.

Wes Corwin is a stand-up comedian currently based in Dallas. You can like him on Facebook, follow him on Twitter, or if you live in Dallas and prefer analog comedy over digital, check out his weekly show at Noble Rey Brewery on Thursdays at 7:30 p.m.

Also check out 6 Mental Illnesses That Only Happen in One Place on Earth and 6 Unexplained Things That Only Happen In A Few Places On Earth.

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