He even looks like Jim Varney -- though ironically, with better teeth.
How did that guy of all people pass muster with a killjoy like Hoxha? Apparently, he saw Wisdom's working-class characters and their conflicts with the social elite as a statement against capitalism and a "communist parable on the class war." It's too bad Hoxha never saw those shorts about the squirrel from Ice Age chasing an acorn; they would have blown his fucking brain completely wide open and convinced him to switch to capitalism.
Regardless of Hoxha's reasons, he catapulted Wisdom to cult legend status in Albania, where he remained "their most beloved entertainer" until his death in 2010. What did the comedian himself think of Albania's affection for his work? Said Norman, "They must be raving mad."
Castro Was Obsessed With Breeding A Super Cow
We're confident in saying that no one will ever love milkshakes as much as Fidel Castro did. Despite knowing that keeping a regular schedule isn't a good idea when there are people actively trying to assassinate you, Castro refused to miss his daily date with a milkshake in the bar of his Havana hotel. The closest the CIA ever got to killing him was poisoning his chocolate milkshake, but even that didn't seem to dampen his ardor for all things milk-related.
Nothing more anti-American than a burger, fries, and milkshake.
Milkshakes might have been Castro's gateway drug, but he sure as hell didn't stop there. First, he became obsessed with out-cheesing the French. In 1964, he tried to foist his "Cuban Camembert" on a visiting French diplomat, ask-telling him to eat some and repeatedly trying to get him to agree that it was better than whatever crap they had in France. Giving Castro what we assume was the most epic side-eye in history, the Frenchman suggested there was a reason Cuba was known for cigars and not cheese.
Since he couldn't achieve total cheese domination, Castro decided he'd settle for the next-best thing: producing more varieties of ice cream than the United States did. After ordering 28 cartons of Howard Johnson's so he could taste each flavor, he decided that Cuba needed its own piece of the ice cream action. How would he accomplish this? Easy: He called his secretary and informed her that she now ran an ice cream parlor.
The New York Times
Serious challenge: Try to find a dairy product Fidel Castro hasn't been photographed eating.
Though the ice cream business was a great success, Castro still hadn't reached the peak of his milk obsession. Realizing that quality cheese and quality ice cream both depended on quality milk, he set about revolutionizing the Cuban dairy industry by breeding a race of super cows. He imported thousands of Holsteins from Canada ... but almost a third of them died off within weeks due to the climate and insufficient nutrition. Undeterred, he attempted to cross-breed the Holsteins with native cows, which is how he finally found the love of his life: Ubre Blanca.
Meaning "White Udder" in Spanish, Ubre Blanca made the Guinness Book Of World Records for "the highest milk yield by a cow in one day -- 110 litres (29 U.S. gallons)." When she died in 1985, her body was stuffed and put on display at the National Cattle Health Center as a permanent monument to Castro's milk obsession, and a reminder that sometimes even insane dictators want milk with their kooky.
"Suck it, Lenin."
Behind every awful movie is the idea for a good one. Old man Indiana Jones discovers aliens: Good in theory, bad in practice. Batman fights Superman: So simple, but so bad. Are there good versions of these movies hidden within the stinking turds that saw the light of day? Jack O'Brien hosts Soren Bowie, Daniel O'Brien, and Katie Willert of After Hours on our next live podcast to find an answer, as they discuss their ideal versions of flops, reboots, and remakes. Tickets are $7 and can be purchased here!
Also check out The 5 Most Creative Acts of Insanity by Modern Dictators and 5 Ruthless Dictators Hiding In Plain Sight As Normal People.
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