6 Brutal Leaders And Their Ridiculous Secret Hobbies
Everybody needs a hobby, but people find release in many surprising ways. A mechanic might unwind by knitting, a ballet dancer might take up boxing. But what do you do to unwind after, say, a long day at the genocide factory? Just ask these guys:
#6.
Hitler Loved Disney and Sketched Characters
Everybody knows Hitler was an artist, and while paintings of his have supposedly popped up before, recent sketches discovered in 2008 shed a little more light on the twisted mind behind the madman: He was a Mouseketeer. Well, in spirit anyway. The sketches were of two of the seven dwarfs, Bashful and Doc, along with an unsigned sketch of Pinocchio.
Everyone needs a hobby.
Hitler wasn't just a casual fan either. He not only owned a copy of Snow White, he thought it was one of the greatest movies ever created. His love for all things Disney was so well known that Joseph Goebbels, history's second greatest monster, gave Hitler Mickey Mouse paraphernalia. Goebbels later wrote in his diary that Hitler was "very pleased." This was presumably followed by "he clapped his hands in glee, and immediately ran to his room to change into the mouse ears and Donald Duck footy pajamas."
#5.
Osama Bin Laden Ruled the Volleyball Court
Osama Bin Laden hates America. He hates everything about it: The sacrilegious freedoms we enjoy, our arrogant politics, the way America snorts when it laughs. You know this already; you've probably seen his Vlogs. He just hates America so fucking much, he loathes every fiber of its black, accursed soul... well, except for volleyball. That shit's awesome.
We're not making this up; stories of Bin Laden's volleyball prowess come from insiders like his former bodyguard, Nasser al-Bahri.
So why is America's number one enemy also the number one fan of the homoerotic near-orgy from Top Gun? Maybe his love for volleyball is the one exception that proves the rule, or maybe it's actually the cause for his hatred; a bitter jealousy at all of our immaculate beaches and regulation nets coming from a dude stuck in a low-ceilinged cave using old clotheslines. Or perhaps, just perhaps, the 6'4 Arab guy in a country where rural villagers think fun is forbidden by God is predisposed to dominate the crap out of that sport.
You might say he's "built for the game."
Oh, and throw in the fact that Mohammed Atef, the former chief of Al-Qaeda, also used to be a star volleyball player, but wasn't allowed to play on the same team as Osama because they were just that good, and we think the United States' next move is clear: Stage a fake volleyball competition, and arrest the unnaturally skilled giant with the fake beard (over his regular beard).
Hey, it worked for Robin Hood.
#4.
Saddam Hussein Wrote Sappy Romance Novels.
In late 2001, CIA officials found a novel at an Arabic book store in London titled Zabibah and the King. Penned under the clever pseudonym "S. Hussein," (seriously, how did we ever catch that guy?!)
Ladies, are your loins quivering yet? If not, you are in direct violation of Iraqi law.
Zabibah and the King is an allegorical novel based on the history of Iraq... in the same way that Transformers is an allegorical TV show about the industrial revolution. Liberties are taken, is what we're saying here. The book is set in ancient Iraq, where the fair and just King (Saddam) falls in love with the beautiful and innocent Zabibah (Iraq). After several long, thinly veiled discussions on God, love, poetry, matted back hair and dank spider-holes, the King and Zabibah eventually fall deep in love.
Ladies love a man with his own gilded throne.
But on a walk from the King's Palace to her home, Zabibah is attacked and raped by her cruel husband. Here's a line from the actual passage:
Yes, the girl is Iraq, the fair-haired (?) King is Saddam himself, and the cruel husband is the United States of America. And if you actually needed that explanation to get the subtext, you owe your elementary school English teacher a sternly worded note, though you'll probably need some help writing it. Then again, perhaps we're being unfair here: We shouldn't exactly be expecting subtlety from the guy commissioning 30-foot gold statues of himself for every town square in the country.
...Is that a disco ball on his head?
Osama Bin Laden apparently also really, really liked Doritos, in addition to volleyball.
ReplyAlthough I have no personal experience with being raped in prison, it's my understanding that many dominant male prisoners will rape weaker prisoners they consider "submissive," while vociferously denying they (the rapists) are gay. Human beings have an amazing ability to compartmentalize our behavior. In case you haven't noticed, we are quite mad as a species.
ReplyHitler would have looked good if he put on Donal Duck's beak on his mustache though =w=
Replythe stalin one is a total lie. those are prints, some by artists long dead even in his time. the comments he scribbled on them were the interesting part. Still, the fact that the man spent his time going over prints of nude males and writing snarky comments is pretty amazing in its own right
Replyit's like "LOLCats" for Russian dictators.
On the article about Brutal Leaders, I got an ad for Obama.
Replythose point rules for dunking sound pretty cool honestly
ReplyIn that last pic, Kim Jong Il looks just like my Aunt Fay after her chemo.
ReplyEveryone in this list has bitten the dust.
ReplyWe all bite the dust, good or bad. That's why humans invented Heaven and Hell and karma. Balancing the scales in imagination.
Funny, Hitler and Stalin were both artistic. Still, even there, Stalin still pawned Hitler. Hitler always gets beaten by Stalin in almost all areas!
ReplyHitler has become the radioactive standard for wickedness. Even so, probably Stalin, Mao, Kim, and Pol Pot were probably more accomplished than even Adolf. Though after a million deaths and tortures or so, who is counting? How can we stand ourselves.
Ok, who DOESNT love Mickey?
ReplyDidn't Il Duce also write sappy novels? I think Dorothy Parker even reviewed one. She couldn't decide whether he was worse at romance-writing, or dictatoring. She was pretty sure if she could tell him that to his face, it would leave him pretty much in despair, though.
ReplyKim Jong Il's point system for basketball makes a lot of sense - I'm not gonna lie.
ReplySo basically all of life's suffering is caused by people not following their dreams.
ReplyNo. Some of it is caused by volcanoes, earthquakes, epidemics and other Acts of an Imaginary God. Some of it is caused by people following their dreams Politicians with artistic imaginations are a bad combination, like trying to build a firecracker with nitroglycerin or dynamite. It falls into the category of "Don't try this at your country."
Rick Santorum looks like Pinocchio, so could we say Hitler was the original Santorum fan?
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesThey share a lot of the same values anyway. Well, except for their view on Jews.
I'm not a big fan of Santorum but the whole Republicans=Nazis is getting pretty old especially considering half the people who say it get all butthurt by Obama=Socialist.
Nope, we get all butthurt by the idiots who accuse Obama of being a Socalist and a Facist in the same breath. And by butthurt, I mean our sphincters detaching themselves to reach up and throttle our brain stems in an attempt to end our suffering from having to live in a world with people who don't bother to research their insults.
Republicans are not Nazis. They're just dumb and nasty in their own variation of the Christian wars (between Catholics and Protestants) in the 14th Century or so. Don't give them too much credit.
In hell, Kim Jong Il's head shall be used as a basketball. May nobody miss him.
ReplyI won't miss his dictatorial laws, but I will miss his batshit insanity. Shine on, you crazy diamond.
In Russia Stalin makes pornography.
ReplyOk......uhm..yeah......that joke doesn't work when it's actually Stalin.
in all honesty though, i've heard [some] of hussain's writing is actually pretty good. and for a murderer, capone was on odd case. while undeniably a "bad guy," the dude actually did a lot of good, for a lot of people. he just, you know, murdered in cold blood on occasion....
ReplyJust like any good businessman. You give back to the community to seem counteract what you take away. Corporations do it, even countries. Capone also had syphilis. Towards the end he was completely insane.
He looks so sweet and innocent in his mug shot for Alcatraz. He looks like a five year old proud of him self for drawing on the wall.
huh. i actually like Kim Jong Il's basketball scoring system. especially the free-throw one. when you're paid millions of dollars and you miss a free-throw i think you should be beaten for it.
Replysee? he's not all bad! [/sarcasm]
holy shit, stalin's drawings are actually really, really good. i am super jealous of that shading ability. dude, this has just blown my mind.
ReplyAgreed!
the drawings aren't Stalin's, just the color commentary scribbled in the margins.
Goebbels is history's second greatest monster? he was a yes-man! surely there are bigger candidates, such as Josef Mengele?
ReplyOr Mao or Stalin or something, who both killed more people than Hitler (not defending Hitler or anything though) But yes, Mengele was definitely worse.
I think a lot of it comes down too method of execution.