7
Lightsaber Duels Would Be Over In Seconds, Possibly Kill Everybody
Along with space battles, alien creatures, and angst-filled whining, one of the key ingredients of the Star Wars saga is the lightsaber duel. An amalgam of Samurai duels and coke-fueled disco aesthetics, the lightsaber fight is a cultural icon, as evidenced by every child who's ever whacked a sibling with a broomstick while yelling about the Force.
Lucasfilm
Or (sigh) ... four broomsticks.
While the movies portray lengthy, intense lightsaber duels, real-life lightsaber battles would probably end faster than a prom night's lovemaking. According to a sword-fighting instructor, because of the lightsaber's "incredible cutting ability and instant lethality" fights would be over almost immediately. As soon as someone made a move, they'd either be victorious or leave themselves vulnerable to being laser-sworded to death. The exciting, prolonged fights we see in the movies don't make sense because "you aren't there to injure the weapon." Think about how fast a point is scored in a fencing match. Fights would have way less frantic slashing and a lot more inaction, each fighter trying to mind-fuck their opponent into fractionally dropping their guard.
Lucasfilm
"I'll never join you ... Also, your shoelace is untied."
Then there's the possibility that the clash of two lightsabers could explode in your goddamn face killing your opponent, also you, and possibly everyone else in the room. If the lightsabers are made of hot plasma contained by magnetic fields, Dr. Martin Archer argues that when two lightsabers collide, huge amounts of hot plasma would be ejected, doing all sorts of vaporization to hands, legs, and faces. This means Han Solo's preference for blasters isn't ignorant -- it's just plain sensible.
6
The Little Mermaid Would be a Screaming, Blubbery Monster
The Little Mermaid was Disney's attempt to take a classic story full of murder and sadness, and turn it into a romantic tale about a young woman altering her DNA to be with a dude. Wait. Really? Did Prince Trust Fund even once offer to grow gills to go live underwater with her?
Walt Disney
No. No, he did not.
And while Ariel -- the titular undersea creature with big blue eyes, shell bra, and flowing red locks -- has become iconic, that's probably not how she should actually look. Ariel lives in a deep underwater kingdom, far beyond the reach of even James Cameron. But it's cold down there. Based on what we know about other marine mammals, the only way mermaids could survive would be to have lots of blubber, hair, or both. These mammals would also have short appendages to reduce blood flow, meaning Ariel would quite literally be a hairy or obese mermaid with stubby arms, perhaps resembling something not unlike a demented walrus-potato-wig.
Megapixie/Wikimedia Commons