4 Public Safety Scares With Hilarious Punch Lines

3 An All-Out Manhunt For A Package Thief Snares A Dashing Culprit

It must have been a slow day for crime in Bristol, CT back in 2015 when one local resident reported a package stolen right off his doorstep. Luckily, he had the foresight to set up a security camera for this incredibly specific occasion.

The vindicated resident sent their incriminating video to the police, as was proper protocol. The police then sent it to multiple local news outlets in the hopes of getting some hot tips and bringing their criminal to swift justice, as was way, way beyond proper protocol. Imagine getting a breaking news bulletin for petty mail theft. That's not worth interrupting The Expanse -- hell, it's barely worth interrupting a rerun of The Big Bang Theory.

But success! The package thief called the police station to turn himself in.

2 Texas Cracks Down On Counterfeiters ... In A Middle School Cafeteria

In 2016, Houston eighth-grader Danesiah Neal attempted to pay for her school lunch using a $2 bill, because she's a rebel and scorns traditional currency denominations. Unfortunately, the school's counterfeit pen recognized the bill as a fake, and before even one felonious chicken tender could touch her forked tongue, Neal was sent to the on-grounds police office as a suspected counterfeiter. A middle school counterfeiter. As preposterous as that sounds, the officer took it very, very seriously. Neal was informed she could be facing a third-degree felony charge, which in Texas could mean anywhere from two to ten years in prison (and this being Texas, she's lucky it wasn't the death penalty, or like, that weird "giant mask backwards on a donkey" punishment from Beyond Thunderdome). The officer then took the bill to the local bank to recruit some help tracking down this cutting-edge middle school counterfeit ring.

1 A Bomb Threat Turns Out To Be More Fun Than Authorities Bargained For

Back in 2016, an employee at a gambling hall in Halberstadt, Germany heard strange mechanical noises emanating from the bathroom, and quickly alerted the police of a possible robot orgy. Worried that the odd sound could in fact be a bomb, they responded by evacuating 90 people from the building and its surrounding businesses and shops. The street was closed and a bomb disposal unit sent in.