Rasputin Might Have Been Assassinated By A British Spy
Tsar Nicholas II became so enamored of Rasputin that he made him his closest advisor. The other nobles became worried that Rasputin was effectively taking control of the country, so they concocted a conspiracy to assassinate him. According to legend, Rasputin was stabbed, poisoned, shot several times, and then beaten to a pulp, yet he still lived. Ultimately, they had to hold him underwater until he stopped twitching, and even still, we're not 100 percent sure that did it.
via Wiki Commons
Finally, they had to throw three harpoons into his massive bobbing schlong.
Almost every single detail of the murder (and murder, and murder, and murder again) of Rasputin comes from the account of one Prince Felix Yusapov, who was known for being a little ... strange. By which we mean that he used to dress up in his mother's clothes and dine at local restaurants like a foodie Norman Bates. His account of Rasputin's death was so absurd that even his biographer called bullshit, noting that he had a homosexual obsession with the cleric, and that he was a more notorious liar than that kid in your class who insisted he wrote Power Rangers.
Modern researchers have come up with a different theory: Rasputin was assassinated by a British intelligence agent. According to former Scotland Yard commander Richard Cullen, the forensic evidence doesn't support Yusapov's version of events, and shows that Rasputin's death was caused by a close-range bullet between the eyes, consistent with assassination by a British agent -- specifically one Oswald Rayner, who was tasked with infiltrating the Russian monarchy at the time.
via Wiki Commons
This arcane forensic evidence includes a goddamn photo of the bullet wound.
This theory holds that Rasputin was talking Nicholas II into brokering a peace deal with Germany during World War I. If realized, this would have allowed the Germans to move a third of a million soldiers to the Western Front, thus significantly turning the tide of the war. Speculation is that Rayner received orders straight from the top of the British government to take Rasputin out, and they didn't mean to dinner, dressed in women's clothing.
This theory is further supported by coded memos passed between Rayner's superiors, celebrating the death of Rasputin and the "tying up of loose ends." Though it might ruin the mystique of Rasputin a bit to suggest that an ordinary monk was dispatched by one mundane, non-supernatural bullet, it is a bit more likely than "Russian Vampire Wizard."
For more crazy people who actually kind of made sense, check out 5 Conspiracy Theories We're Ashamed To Admit Make Sense and 6 Conspiracy Theories So Damn Stupid They're Works Of Art.
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