4

A Billionaire Sets Up A Fake Taxi Company ... So He Can Use Carpool Lanes

Ever been stuck in traffic, alone, willing to trade a kidney if you could only use that damned empty carpool lane? Well, it was the same for Irish billionaire Michael O'Leary, the owner of budget airline RyanAir. But instead of sucking it up and waiting his turn or buying a blow-up doll for the passenger seat, O'Leary had a plan. Taxis could use the special lanes, so all he had to do was create a private taxi firm. Said company consisted of a fleet of one car: his own. He coughed up the taxi permit fee, set up a meter in his own private vehicle, and avoided the lines, presumably laughing all the way.

Irish Typepad/Wiki Commons

3

A Couple Skips Work By Waging A Brutal Hate Campaign ... Against Themselves

What's the worst thing you'd do to get out of work? Intimately describe your diarrhea to your boss? Fake the funeral of a 14th consecutive grandma? Suddenly pretend you don't speak English?

News Corp Australia

That's all bush league compared to Australian health workers Tabitha Lean and Simon Peisley, a married couple who needed a few personal days. So they started a Gamergate-level hate campaign. Against themselves.

In 2012, a job review made Lean worry that she might be dismissed, so the pair started sending anonymous threats to themselves. These threats demanded Lean and Peisley step down, and ranged from garden-variety "I'll put a bomb in your underwear" stuff to them mailing their children's bloodstained clothes ... to said children's goddamn school. They sent around 80,000 of these threats over two years. Presumably doing this instead of actual work.

Adelaide Now

2

A Soccer Player Skips Out On Child Support Payments ... In An Ambulance?

All soccer players are aspiring actors -- just watch any foul call. But in 2016, Ecuador national striker Enner Valencia took his acting chops to a whole new level. He had recently returned to his home country for an international game, only to find local lawyers and police waiting for a word with him about an ongoing dispute over child maintenance payments. They weren't going to pull him from the game (soccer is a sacred duty in every part of the world but the U.S.), so they figured they'd wait until it was finished. Now, Valencia did play in that game, but was substituted off the pitch with an apparent injury. He was hooked up to an oxygen mask, whisked off to a waiting ambulance, and driven away. You've already jumped to the right conclusion. Now here's the police reaction as they slowly, slowly realize what's happening:

"Whoa, running? The academy never prepared us for this!"

It begins with mild disbelief, as they follow the medical buggy. Surely, he wouldn't ...? He would. They move to anger as the cart zips past, then to full panic when they realize their perp is escaping in front of a stadium full of witnesses.

What happened here? According to the mother of Valencia's daughter, a man who earns the equivalent of $41,586 a week from his English Premier League club should be able to cough up the kingly sum of $17,000 total, which is what he allegedly owed in childcare. According to Valencia himself, there's quite a bit more to the child maintenance dispute, and also he was hurt, for realsies, no foolin'. We don't know for sure what the truth is, but we know one thing: That video really needs to have "Yakety Sax" playing.

TyC Sports

1

A Mayor Tries To Escape Massive City Debt By ... Running For Governor?

Vincent "Buddy" Cianci Jr. was a lawyer and prosecutor who had earned his chops fighting organized crime, and he became mayor of Providence, Rhode Island on a victorious anti-corruption campaign in 1974. He set out to fix the city's tumbleweed town situation by pouring money into everything from downtown infrastructure to schools. He was a hero, a champion, and, unbeknownst to his electorate, a master snake oil salesman who was conjuring city rejuvenation dollars from nowhere.

When his first term ended, Cianci ran again and won. However, he knew that he couldn't keep the gaping $16-million black hole that his projects had torn in the city's finances hidden for much longer. So he decided to escape the debt and high-tail it out of Providence for good. By becoming governor.

AP via Politico

As Cianci stated it: "My idea was to get out of Providence -- 'cause shit was gonna hit the fan with the finances 'cause we were broke. I knew that was coming. So if I get out in time, I'll be able to say, hey I left, I don't know what happened."

His genius plan can best be understood by watching this clip from Tommy Boy:

Cianci suffered a crushing defeat in his run for governor and was forced to return to his mayoral throne in Providence. To give him credit, he did -- sort of, kind of -- try to fix things. He slashed municipal spending by ending guaranteed overtime for garbage men, which did save money ... but also led to a strike of more than 1,000 city workers. Cianci didn't want to risk losing voter confidence by leaving piles of stinking garbage in the street for weeks, so the anti-corruption crusader who got his start fighting organized crime cozied up to the freaking mob. And that, dear readers, is why you don't break a vase and hide the cracked side.

Mike has left the cozy confines of his newsroom job to break into the glorious world of freelance writing. Email him or get him on Twitter if you want him to mash words for you.

For more people who got extreme in weird ways, check out 6 Judges Who Went Completely Insane On The Bench and 7 People Who Took Justice Into Their Own (Insane) Hands.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out 3 Foreign Countries That Just Don't Give A F#@%, and other videos you won't see on the site!

Follow us on Facebook, and let's be best friends forever.