4

Salps Form Colonies The Size Of Countries

Salps are transparent, gelatinous sea organisms that usually don't grow larger than four inches. They're not exactly impressive ...

Larry Madin/Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution
"Oh, yeah? Well at least when someone says size doesn't matter to us it's actually true."

But sometimes trillions of them will come together to form huge oceanic swarms, and that's when things get serious. See, thanks to the salps' ability to grow as much as 10 percent of their body length per hour, one of those clusters can reach 38,600 square miles. That's like 18,500,000 football fields, or just about the size of South Korea. Ordinarily, this would be the point we start panicking and advocate ill-advised but enthusiastic napalm deployment, but Salps do something pretty cool: They consume carbon dioxide.

The oceans actually absorb a lot of CO2 from the atmosphere, where it's eventually eaten by phytoplankton (organisms even tinier than salps) before being released back into the air when the animals die. Salps help with that by eating the phytoplankton themselves, and pooping out the CO2 in pellets that sink to the bottom, where the gas can't warm up the planet and or/be dismissed as a liberal conspiracy.

Oregon Department of Fish & Wildlife
"When's the last time your poop caused anything but tears and despair?"

3

The Hat-Thrower Fungus Ejaculates Like A Rocket

Pilobolus crystallinus are tiny fungi that grow in the poop of various grass-eating animals, such as cows and horses. It's also known as the hat-thrower fungus -- mostly because that sounds less gross than "megasonic cumshot fungus."

2

The Great Snipe Can Fly Up To 4,200 Miles At 60MPH -- Without Stopping

Despite sort of looking like a fat, depressed woodpecker, the great snipe (Gallinago media) is the fastest endurance flier on the planet.

Ron Knight/Wiki Commons
Also, they're all named Leonard. We mean ... just look at this Leonard over here.

The snipe undertakes an annual migration from Northern Europe to Sub-Saharan Africa -- 4,200 miles -- and it does the whole journey in one non-stop two-day trip, averaging 60mph. Now, while they are amazed at the birds' journey, scientists are generally confused about why the great snipe is in such a hurry. Unlike other far-flying birds that cross oceans (and have no place to stop), the chubby snipe's migratory route is mostly over land. There is literally no reason they don't stop to rest along the way.

1

A Mite From Southern California Could Run At Mach 2 (If It Was Bigger)

Paratarsotomus macropalpis is a mite from Southern California. Since scientific names of animals are unwieldy, we're going to call it mighty mite. You'll see why in a second.

Journal of Experimental Biology
And it's not because it's big.

The mighty mite travels an astounding 322 body lengths per second (compared with the cheetah's measly 16). Now, due to the mites' minuscule size, that only comes out to about 0.5 miles per hour -- but if the mite was the size of Usain Bolt, it would hit nearly Mach 2. Most animals that hit crazy high speeds do so at the cost of maneuverability, but not the mighty mite. On the end of the mite's third leg, there's a barb that functions like an adorable grappling hook -- allowing it to change orientation by up to 1253 degrees per second. You may have seen this trick before -- on the mothafuggin' Batmobile.

Journal of Experimental Biology
"Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-NIGHTMARES!"

Also check out 5 Tiny Animals That Deserve Their Own Horror Movie and The 6 Deadliest Creatures (That Can Fit In Your Shoe).

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