Being petite has its pros and its cons. Pro: Ever tried shooting a baby? It's really hard. As such, a lot of bad guys with guns suddenly graduated from Stormtrooper Academy. Also, enemies who just hit you will often miss, as the game wasn't designed to target someone at shin height.

But on the negative side: It's much easier for them to outrun you since the game moves at, quite literally, crawling speed. Also, babies are really squishy, so you won't have much when it comes to health. Furthermore, accessing doors, computers, desks, anything above knee height really is an arduous task, since every time you want to press a button you have to build a set of rudimentary stairs to reach it.

This is taken to its extreme at the end of the game, where the adorable protagonist has to press a button to save the world but kill himself -- a noble sacrifice that is dragged out as Pierre had to build some stairs out of pots and pans.

Bethesda Softworks
"When you write the history books, perhaps leave this part out, yeah?"

These and similar clips are Blacksmoke Billy's, which isn't an alternative lifestyles hangout, but a YouTube channel devoted to some of the most insane and elaborate tricks you'll see in the virtual world. But that's just the tip of the iceberg. Tricks range from things you could probably do yourself after a few beers:

Rockstar Games
To be clear, you're the guy shitting his pants inside one of those buildings.

... to figuring out how to jump a motorbike onto a fighter jet, presumably the inspiration for and primary plot point in the upcoming Fast And Furious 8: The Fastererest And Furiousestmost.

Rockstar Games

Rockstar Games
The "A" in GTA can stand for "aircraft," too.

Others have invented even crazier methods of skydiving, like calculating how to fall through small spaces at high speeds while somehow avoiding any loss of limbs. It's like an extreme version of threading a needle:

Rockstar Games

Rockstar Games

And like in the real-life criminal underground, entire squads can make a name for themselves with a carefully planned and executed reckless act. These include the Nomad Union Crew or team Rooster Teeth, who produced a masterpiece to rival the 17th century Flemish masters:

Rockstar Games
*kisses fingers*

And, again, behind each one of these stunts are hours of preparation and failed attempts. If this is a plan to keep players too busy to kill more digital prostitutes, it's working.

If you're wondering how he can play all those instruments without a bonus pair of arms that he got as DLC, he gets around it with a method as brilliant as it is dorky: tying drumsticks to his shoes. We can only think of a couple of real-life drummers who would pull that off, and they both died of substance abuse in the late '70s. And if you think he's just tapping randomly and still getting by on the easiest mode, here's a video of DarthGollumKong rocking out to "Roxanne" by The Police with the drums on Medium difficulty, vocals on Hard, and bass and guitar on Expert:

DarthGollumKong
We could totally do that. (Tape drumsticks to our shoes.)

OK, perhaps "rocking out" isn't quite the right way to put it. Between the physical demands and the pressure, he has to stay pretty stationary and looks like someone off-camera is forcing him to perform at gunpoint. But hey, who said video games are supposed to be fun?

Think about the amount of trial and error that must have been involved in getting the projectile to go up and, 30 seconds later, land on that precise spot -- and Kennaay did it without mods or cheats of any kind. It's pure, old-fashioned nerd persistence. If spending countless hours to get a flaming arrow to hit an innocent lady isn't something you find tasteful, then what about two arrows?

Bethesda Softworks

Bethesda Softworks

Bethesda Softworks
Try not to think about the fact that he shot that second arrow to kill a guy for mourning his friend who wasn't dead yet.

Even when he's shooting at targets in front of him, Kennaay goes the extra mile. Watch this sniper shot so beautiful, it had him teleporting to another part of the map to witness its marvelous landing on the forehead of some poor sightseer:

Bethesda Softworks

Bethesda Softworks
"Oh, shit, sorry! I was aiming for your dick."

The best part? Although Kennaay's victims might seem random, most of them are actually the same guy, Sven. Why? Because fuck Sven. Fuck him in the eye with a flaming arrow.

Bethesda Softworks
"Sven" is actually an ancient form of "Chad."

Of course, as humorous as these videos may be, it's still a little sad that someone would spend so much time in- AAAAARRGGGH, WE'VE BEEN SHOT!!!

Nanomaster's path to equine domination began by making Glitterhoof a Bishop, but even that required some political maneuvering. First, the horse was converted to Catholicism and given land -- this meant that when the old Bishop conveniently died, Glitterhoof would be the highest ranking Catholic around. When that happened, Glitterhoof became the new Bishop and brought in his own advisers ... who were also horses, but had none of The Hoof's limitations. These horses could marry and have kids, while Glitterhoof was still a virgin (no wonder he went into religion).

Suddenly, the world had sentient, ambitious horses who were totally DTF. What happened next was Game Of Thrones as played by Mr. Ed. A new horse called Clever Hans was forcefully placed as the new lord of Tangiers, and he brought in his own advisers (so, more horses). Meanwhile, the king's eldest son was married to a lively teenaged mare called Buttermilk.

Paradox Interactive
He looks like the sort of person who would marry a horse even if not forced to.

Obviously, marrying the king's son angered a lot of closed-minded people who just don't understand bestiality. What happened then was every ally and rival systemically attacking them, getting defeated, getting overthrown, and getting replaced with, you guessed it: horses.

Paradox Interactive

Paradox Interactive
Just as our racist uncle foretold on Facebook.

As such, horsekind had basically taken over ... but not officially. The old king died and his son became king, making his horse wife, Buttermilk, queen. They had three children: two human sons and a younger horse daughter (no centaurs, sadly). Obviously, the sons had to go, and the king was too busy chasing literal horse tail to give a shit about his usurping daughter.

Paradox Interactive
No, really.

The daughter, called Rainbow Dash because of course she goddamn was, spent her childhood bettering herself, learning about military tactics, politics and etiquette. Her rise to heir was surprisingly easy, as one of her brothers died of illness and the other topped himself-- wait a second, did George R.R. Martin plagiarize this?

As such, when her father died, Rainbow Dash struck a monumental achievement for feminism, horsekind, and the much maligned My Little Pony fanbase:

Paradox Interactive
Long live the Queen! Or as long as horse lifespans last, anyway.

That was the hard part; the rest of the conquest was just a series of brutal wars as Queen Rainbow Dash brought back Christianity, dispensed of the remaining two-legged freaks, and reformed the Roman Empire in name of horse-manity.

Engineering student Terry Garret has been completely blind ever since he was 10 years old, but he never let that little detail stop him from playing video games. And he doesn't just finish them: he conquers them. All it takes him is extensive trial and error, borderline superhuman senses, and an OCD-like compulsion to save his game every few seconds in case he messes up.

As a kid, Garret started playing Oddworld: Abe's Exoddus on PlayStation by listening to sound cues and visualizing the game's world in his mind until he'd mastered it. Like Daredevil, except not full of shit.

At least he didn't have to deal with his mom telling him not to sit too close to the TV.

Soon he had expanded to other gaming franchises, only asking for help when he needed someone to read text or explain confusing cutscenes to him. When the challenge of beating certain levels of Legend Of Zelda: Ocarina Of Time blindfolded went viral (why, even Cracked talked about it), Garret raised his hand and said "I can do something better than that." You might think he's doing basically the same thing, but covering your eyes to play a game you already know by heart is a piece of cake compared to going into it literally blind like he does.

And so, Garret began his 46-part Zelda playthrough on YouTube -- which, yes, includes all bosses and the infamous Water Temple (aka, the point when most people with working eyes get frustrated and quit the game).

Terry Garret
The most essential item in this level is the GameFAQs tutorial you'll inevitably have to consult.

And just in case you don't feel inadequate enough about your own gaming abilities by now, Garret also rules at Guitar Hero. He memorizes songs by going into practice mode and blindly strumming the guitar until he hits notes, and then just learns to play them back almost flawlessly (even in Hard mode).

OK, that's just showing off now, dude.

Adam Koski can also be found talking about the craziest sci-fi movie ever. Follow Tiagosvn's Twitter here.

For more people whose eyes and thumbs probably hurt a whole lot, check out The 6 Most Mind-Blowing (And Pointless) Gaming Achievements and The 5 Most Insane Things Ever Accomplished In A Video Game.

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What the Hell Did I Just Read: A Novel of Cosmic Horror, the third book in David Wong's John Dies at the End series, is available now!