Completing a video game can be hard. It requires focus, hand-eye coordination, and a life you can ignore for long periods of time. As we've shown before, this is not enough challenge for some gamers. Why merely enjoy the sprawling wasteland of Fallout when you can sprint through it in 15 minutes or conquer it as a baby? If you tell gamers to climb a virtual mountain, one of them will figure out a way to do it on a seatless unicycle using only the asthmatic character. Seriously, look at the things these people have done.
5 Beating Dark Souls With A Guitar Hero Controller
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Most consoles come with a collection of specialized peripherals. Because if a video game is about playing the bongos, it's more fun to play it on real-ish electronic bongos. And if you're playing a game about jamming a finger up someone's butthole, it's almost not worth it without a giant finger controller. That's real, by the way. That butthole game is real.
TaffSystem, via Pixel Bedlam
Sadly, the "Giant Finger" and "Unsuspecting Butthole" peripherals were never made for home consoles.
Well, a gamer who goes by the handle Bearzly decided to use one of these specialized peripherals to play Dark Souls, one of the most difficult games of all time. It's a brutal experience in which any minutely wrong movement can send you hurtling off a cliff or impale you on an enemy spear, causing you to lose hours of progress. So Bearzly decided that he should play it with a fucking Guitar Hero guitar.
If you're not familiar, guitars are not designed to maneuver a swordsman through terrifying nightmares. One of the buttons on a Guitar Hero controller is a whammy bar, and another is a nubby little flagellum made for strumming. So even after cleverly remapping all the buttons, he couldn't move his character to the left. He also couldn't block heavy attacks, move the camera to the right, or understand the difference between a challenge and simple masochism.
The lack of Star Power wasn't doing him any favors, either.
Most people who play Dark Souls with a regular controller give up after several hundred deaths, and this guy beat it with a character who was barely listening to him. Playing Dark Souls with a Guitar Hero guitar is like teaching an actual person to fight skeletons using only an electric guitar for communication and holy shit we just came up with the sweetest idea for a kung fu movie ever.
Oh, and this guitar killer isn't the only gamer to think of doing something impossible with something stupid. A Destiny player recently went into a six-man raid by himself and defeated Crota. And before you shriek "Crota's only like level 32! Anyone could do that!" keep in mind that this Crota-slayer was using a Rock Band drum kit.
Still easier than playing "YYZ."
Another player with more determination than hobbies managed to beat Soul Calibur on the hardest difficulty with only a Dreamcast fishing pole. And that thing didn't even really have buttons. He had to execute precision martial arts by waggling a plastic fishing pole at his TV and cranking on the reel, which is probably only slightly easier than catching a real fish with karate.
Which is in fact what inspired the Wii Remote.
4 Beating Games With Comically Underpowered Weapons
Warner Bros. Interactive
Most games follow the pattern of killing enemies to get deadlier things to kill deadlier enemies to get even deadlier things until you can kill the deadliest thing of all. You've probably already guessed this from the heading above, which explained it clearly, but some players choose to skip all those steps and go after the deadliest enemies using whatever shitty knife they start with. And sometimes less.
One YouTuber called Oddler managed to beat The Legend Of Zelda on NES without even picking up a sword. He dodged all the way to the final boss with nothing but his starting three hearts and a can-do attitude. If you've never played Zelda, doing this is like trying to defeat Brock Lesnar as a nine-year-old. It's truly ridiculous.
"It's dangerous to go alone! ... Welp, off you go."
Fighting through the laser-spitting world of Hyrule without a weapon is nuts, but another player took self-imposed handicaps even further. Dying Light is the 200 millionth video game about zombies to be released, and its zombies are easily among the toughest to kill. They're fast, they come in packs, and don't seem to care much if you're shooting them. One player decided that wasn't hard enough, and went through the entire zombie apocalypse with only his fists. It's a world in which your only goal is to go one more second without being bitten, and he thought, "I'm going to try smashing my fist into their teeth."
It's like a pig in a bacon factory deciding to escape by belly flopping workers to death.
And remember the grueling, torturous Dark Souls, which someone beat with a guitar? The one we told you about like two minutes ago? One player went through it armed with less than that. Dark Souls player Lobos Jr beat the game using only somersaults. For hours, he tumbled around enemies and executed them slowly with whimsical bumping. It's crazy -- this guy killed an entire realm of monsters using the exact same methods clowns probably use to kill their victims.
That's ridiculous. Everyone knows that clowns use weaponized balloon animals.