Huntsman spiders -- which you may recognize as the world's most terrifyingly gigantic fucking spiders -- have begun their official war-march on civilization. Already, Australians are running straight off the road thanks to surprise Huntsman ambushes while driving.
"Easily countered," you say. "I'll simply don a biohazard suit, grab my flamethrower, and thoroughly inspect the interior of my car before ever setting off anywhere." You think you're so smart. Then, right when you're feeling safe, you flick the headlights on and see the gargantuan, scrambling shadow of this:
damonline / Reddit
Pictured: Your headlight. Not pictured: You, dead of a horror-stroke in the driver's seat.
We don't have any hard statistics as to exactly how many fatal accidents were the direct result of terrier-sized spiders skittering across the dashboard, but we estimate that, within an error range of .57, the number is "too goddamned many."
Megan Roberts / YouTube
Honestly, this guy alone is too goddamned many.
E. Reid Ross also writes about all sorts of animals at The Featured Creature, where he makes a more concerted attempt to disguise his visceral fear of all things that slither and creep.
Teachers: America's unsung heroes ... and secret drunks ... and all-around degenerates. To shed light on the dark side of this trusted profession, Cracked Podcast host Jack O'Brien, along with comedians and truTV's Those Who Can't cast members Maria Thayer (Abbey Logan) and Andrew Orvedahl (Coach Fairbell), will interview some real-life (probably anonymous) teachers, who will share all the filthy, outrageous, and hilarious tales from this supposedly squeaky-clean occupation. Get FREE tickets to this LIVE podcast here!
For ways Mother Nature is gearing up for war, check out 5 True Stories Of Killer Animals Too Unrealistic For A Movie and 5 Animals That Look Like Cartoons (Until They Kill You).
Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out Why The Cassowary Is The Most Terrifying Animal Ever, and other videos you won't see on the site!
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Last Halloween, the Cracked Podcast creeped you out with tales of ghost ships, mysteriously dead people, and a man from one of the most famous paintings in U.S. history who years later went all Jack Nicholson in> The Shining on his family. This October, Jack and the Cracked staff are back with special guest comedians Ryan Singer, Eric Lampaert, and Anna Seregina to share more unsettling and unexplained true tales of death, disappearance, and the great beyond. Get your tickets for this LIVE podcast here!