Hackers Reveal Ashley Madison Blackmailed Customers Who Wanted A Refund
Cheating on your spouse online can be a double-edged sword. One the one hand, it now only takes a few clicks to completely disintegrate a marriage -- that used to be such a hassle. But on the other hand, the internet never forgets. All those dirty emails, dick pics, etc. floating around the cloud leaves cheaters vulnerable to blackmail. Even professional "have an affair" websites like Ashley Madison still require cheaters to hand over their credit cards and IP addresses -- which is only a problem if you think a website that monetizes homewrecking could prove to be a bit shady. Which they are.
"Also, give us the last four digits of your Social Security number, your first pet's name, and the street you grew up on. We need them for the getting-you-laid algorithm."
Fortunately, they're also about as dumb as their customer base when it comes to leaving an online paper trail.
Ashley Madison, named after every rich guy's third wife, became even more notorious after the hack that leaked all of its user data. But besides the shocking name-dropping that accompanied said hack, perhaps the saddest revelation was that most of the male clientele probably never even had affairs. Ashley Madison documents revealed that 80 percent of men's first attempts at chatting up future mistresses resulted in them talking to bots -- the many artificial hussies Ashley Madison had to put in their system to hide the fact that (surprise) not that many actual women wanted to touch that gross website with a 10-foot pole. Of course, the few dirtbags with enough blood left in their brains to administer the most basic Turing test didn't take kindly to being duped. Yet when some tried to withhold payment for the shoddy service, the company made them an offer they couldn't refuse:
"Nice married life you've got there. Be a shame if something were to ... happen to it."