Here's a good test to see if something's a threat: If they have to say that it's not a threat, that's a lie and it's a threat. Ashley Madison made it clear that they weren't blackmailing their disgruntled customers; the customers were simply forcing the company to send a document detailing their infidelity to their family homes. It seemed to have worked like a charm, until their database got hacked and all their own dirty little secrets came pouring out. If everyone working at Ashley Madison wasn't a soulless husk, we're sure even they would've appreciated the irony.

The company first became aware of this problem when superbug outbreaks started happening across Europe. Olympus notified hospitals there in January of 2013, yet documentation revealed that the company already knew of the emergency back in 2012. Even worse, when American employees started to voice concern that their regions might be next, emails were sent out explaining that no warning would be issued for America because the level of danger was "acceptable." Considering how at least 35 Americans have since died and hundreds more were infected, we guess they meant "acceptable" the way that cereal companies use that word when describing the amount of rat feces in their cornflakes.

Olympus
"Snitches get Olympus-brand stitches."

Not that Olympus was content with sitting on its hands while this disaster unraveled. They immediately started blaming hospitals for causing the outbreak by not cleaning their scopes properly. An Olympus representative even told a Pittsburgh hospital that they could avoid more deaths by buying an Olympus-brand washer -- which not only came with a $25,000 price tag, but also didn't work. Fortunately, the rep was already in a hospital, so the doctors could treat his inhumanly huge balls.

Then in March 2014, Olympus received an email from a professor at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill with a warning that 40 percent of their scopes tested by his lab were positive for bacterial infection, and that he was 100 percent sure that his lab had followed the cleaning protocol properly. This left Olympus with no other option but to issue a recall -- but again, they held off doing so, this time until January 2016. That sounds like an irresponsibly long time to take before acting on a proven fatal flaw, but we're sure Olympus deemed it "acceptable."

So why didn't that UNC professor go to the press in the first place? Maaaybe you'd be reticent too if Olympus was a corporate partner of the university. And while we're on the subject of dodgy universities ...

In 2012, the Freeh Report declared that head coach Joe Paterno and several other key members of Pennsylvania State University had known about the abuse since 1998. This resulted in quite a few ruined reputations and the firing of Paterno -- a small price to pay for their "total disregard for the safety and welfare of Sandusky's child victims." Some thought that there wasn't enough evidence to prove that Paterno knew about the abuse, and that this was nothing but a publicity stunt by the school, which was throwing out the baby with the child abuser.

But in 2014, a man known as John Doe 150 claimed that he had told Paterno about Sandusky in 1976, meaning that Paterno may have known and not have done anything about it way before we thought he knew and hadn't done anything about it. Additional documented testimony suggests that other employees of Penn State learned of Sandusky's actions in the '80s and early '90s. Then a former assistant testified and accused most of his ex-colleagues of looking the other way. By now, there are so many reported moments of Penn State staffers letting Sandusky prey on kids that they probably had to ask for overtime to fit all that criminal neglect into their work schedules.

Not that that'll stop some Nittany Lions fans from preferring trophies over child safety ...

The New York Times

The New York Times

Those same people are currently petitioning to have Paterno's statue added back to campus. Forget it, Jake. It's college football.

You may remember that time Toyota had fatal acceleration problems with some of its vehicles, and how they initially said it was driver error, but eventually recalled the cars because some floor mats would trap the accelerator. It was another example of a billion-dollar company ignoring a serious problem until enough people shone a spotlight on it that they had no choice but to own up to their mistakes. At least, that seemed to be the case until further investigation revealed that Toyota had a few more mistakes to admit to, but instead were using the spotlight to blind everyone so they could hide all the other bad shit no one had caught onto yet.

In a logic-defying twofer, a giant company stalled for time like a bad kid walking in slow motion to the living room because Mom is yelling about the broken window. Documents have revealed that Toyota was using the extra time gained from their investigation and PR crisis to cover up a bunch of faulty pedals as well.

Justin Sullivan/Getty Images
"DON'T LAUGH AT CUSTOMER IF THEY ASK, 'THAT'S EVERYTHING, RIGHT?'"

It never notified federal agencies, as they're required to do in the United States. And in Europe, Toyota told distributors to replace the faulty part only if customers complained about it. (Customers who were presumably too busy screaming and dying to call customer support.)

Not content with ignoring the inevitable, Toyota actually canceled a design change in American cars because they didn't want to tip off investigators. When the truth was revealed, the company got beaned in the head with almost 400 wrongful death lawsuits. Toyota was punished for its severe negligence with a $1.2 billion fine. That sounds like a lot, but it's not quite six percent of their net income. As for the employees responsible for this criminal neglect that caused so many lost lives? They've all been arrested and sentenced to severe prison sentences.

Haha, no, we're joking. They're probably playing golf somewhere.

PublicDomainPictures/Pixabay
"Hey, we didn't make that cart, did we?"