So now, Street Fighter V boobs are only sexily enormous, and not dangerous sources of subsonic vibrations. Other boob stories don't have such sweet endings. For example, in Mortal Kombat IX, Scarlet would sometimes bask motionless in the blood of her enemies. Well, almost motionless. Her tits loved it so much that they would start doing jumping jacks on their own.
Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment
"This scene of her covered in gore isn't sexy enough. Can you make her boobs jump up and high five?"
Aside from being massive and excitable, game boobs aren't easy to predict. Something about filling a sphere of polygons with the physics of a thousand angry oceans is inherently unpredictable. In Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain, Quiet's breasts were the source of some of the game's craziest plot twists. Here's one no one could have seen coming:
It all happens so fast, but if you look closely, you'll see that one of her boobs goes for a daring escape by suddenly aging 60 years.
Her boobs got a double-D-minus in physics class.
Other players took the jiggling Metal Gear boobs to the next logical step by creating mods that caused them to never, ever stop wobbling. It seems more torturous than sexy -- like someone wished for sweet, bouncing breasts on an evil monkey's paw, and now her chest will wrestle with itself until the sweet release of death.
"The sports bra! It does nothing!!!"
Until this moment, we only talked about games with some overly generous boob motion algorithms. Phantasy Star Online 2's tit mechanics can't be broken -- their only state is broken. They flap and jump like all the evil in their universe is struggling to fight out of their bras. The women in that game are made almost entirely out of paddle boat. Just look at these things.
Can we borrow those? We need to shake up this can of paint.
Raoni patched the glitches ... of your heart. Follow him on Twitter. Adam Koski is the main author of Forust: A Tale Of Magic Gone Wrong. All of its vast hilarity is intentional, as far as he knows, but if it turns out there's some accidental hilarity in there, that's fine too.
For more amazing video game moments, check out 6 Hilarious Video Game Glitches You Have To See To Believe and 6 Accidentally Awesome Glitches In Famous Video Games.
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