It's no secret that creative types can be temperamental, especially when you put a bunch of them together in the same room -- you wouldn't believe how many Cracked staff meetings descend into full-on mosh pits because we can't decide which word is funnier, "dick" or "dong." [Ed. Note: It's "dong," you motherless son of a bitch.] Add giant egos and easy access to drugs to the mix and now you know why movie sets are so chaotic.
In fact, those "creative disagreements" can sometimes be more insane and action-packed than the actual movies. Here are five backstage stories that prove movie sets should start keeping tranquilizer darts on hand:
Michael Bay Was Attacked By Two Guys With An Air-Conditioning Unit On The Set Of Transformers 4
There is a long, long, long list of reasons to criticize Michael Bay, but with all due respect to those of you wearing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles onesie right now, no entry on that list justifies swinging a large metal appliance at his head. Which is unfortunate, because that's the situation he found himself in while filming Transformers 4 (the one with Mark Wahlberg) in Hong Kong. And no, the machine didn't turn out to be a little robot trying to stop Bay from committing cinematic crimes against his people -- a human threw it.
The problems began when a Paramount employee went around offering businesses $100 for the inconvenience of having their workplace turned into the scene of a robot fight. Two brothers running an appliance store felt this was insufficient and demanded $13,000 instead. When their counter-offer was rejected, they called some local toughs and started making a ruckus using bricks, metal carts, and loud music.
"You think senseless noise and destruction bother me? Do you even know who I am?"
When Bay told the brothers he wasn't paying shit, they returned an hour later with one of them wielding a "long air-conditioner unit," Bay wrote, because Hong Kong is apparently always on the verge of breaking out into a wacky martial arts fight. We'll let him describe the next part, because he makes it sound like it's a scene from his movies and he's the Shia LaBeouf character:
There's even pointless product placement.