Shockingly Offensive Ads That Came Out Way Too Recently

In this deranged psychological experiment passing itself as a car ad, a bunch of people whom we're assured are not actors are put in a room with two cages: one made of steel and one made of aluminum. After interrogating these non-experts about the properties of each metal, the Chevy representative releases a live freaking bear into the room, giving the volunteers a few seconds to pick a cage in which to shit themselves.

And yes, according to Chevy themselves, that wasn't CGI or two little people in a suit. It was a real "known Hollywood bear" -- a phrase presumably indicating that this bear is a regular fixture at cocaine-misted after parties on the Sunset Strip.

All the volunteers picked the steel cage, which Chevrolet presented as indisputable evidence that steel is superior to aluminum, ergo they make better cars than Ford. Except, as you probably guessed, that isn't even true. It turns out aluminum has a range of advantages when it comes to auto construction. Being a lighter element, it allows for more flexibility without necessarily compromising the strength (incidentally, it's also what they use for real bear cages). In fact, after spending considerable money making fun of aluminum in various ads, Chevy's parent company, General Motors, ended up announcing that they're switching to aluminum themselves beginning in 2018. The point is, the only reason you should ever lock yourself in a steel cage is if you're a professional wrestler.

The dad sits back down on the couch and eats the entire box of mac and cheese himself, then texts back "Sorry. All out." He does all of this without a trace of emotion, like a soulless automaton murdering scores of striking factory workers because that is all it is programmed to do. Kraft's logo then pops onscreen as a chipper voice says: "You know you want it." The "it" in question being to starve your pregnant wife.

It's clear from his wife's reaction that he does this kind of shit all the time, which at best means their marriage is doomed, and at worst means she's the victim of psychological abuse. And like we said earlier, it's not just this one ad. Kraft's entire marketing strategy is to convince us that their macaroni and cheese will bring out the worst in you. From a cruel grandma, to a neglectful mother, to a dad with a secret family, to a lady who steals a truck, the main characters -- those who get to enjoy the product and are supposed to represent the target audience -- are always irredeemable sociopaths.

They even have one that uses mac and cheese as a hilarious metaphor for drug abuse and domestic violence, because this company is run by goddamned aliens.

The construction workers are shouting polite compliments at passing women, inverting the tired old stereotype that any man who works in this field must have a second penis inside his skull instead of a brain.

The men continue expressing their admiration and respect for women in increasingly elaborate ways, culminating in the whole lot chanting about gender equality (otherwise known as "basic human decency"). So far, so good. But then ...

PSYCH! It turns out these men were just suffering from starvation-triggered delirium! For those who haven't seen a Snickers ad since 2010, most of them show normal people turning into bizarre things like a Gremlin or Betty White because "You're not you when you're hungry," but naturally, a bite of chocolate-covered nougat is always enough to break the undesirable curse.

So not only is the ad telling us that construction workers are misogynistic ogres by nature, but that Snickers bars are the catalyst for perpetuating sexual harassment. Have a Snickers, the commercial screams, and return to your natural state of objectifying terrified women who want nothing more than to walk outside by themselves in peace.

Unfortunately for our hero, the Time Warner announcer then says that "We no longer offer you an excuse to get out of Friday romantic comedy nights" -- they are now "committed" to getting to you within 24 hours if there's an outage. The ad ends with the voice saying "Sorry, buddy" as the man sinks into the couch in despair, his cruel girlfriend looking on without pity. Human interaction is torture!

Of course, promising to fix the cable within 24 hours is nothing to boast about -- that they consider this an improvement speaks volumes. How long was it taking them before? A month? All of this is but another chapter in Time Warner's ongoing advertising saga of "We know we suck, but we're trying to suck less, for you." On a similar note ...

It seems that ad agencies in charge of car commercials are particularly unhappy people. For example, they are possessed by the singularly baffling notion that suicide sells Hyundais. Hyundai sales must have gone up considerably that year, because Dodge decided to get themselves a piece of that action by releasing an ad to forever link their brand to existential depression and douchebag entitlement in the minds of consumers.

The ad consists of a series of static shots of miserable-looking men looking at the camera as the narrator lists a number of hellish chores they'll have to suffer through today (like "cleaning the sink after shaving" or "getting to work at 8 a.m."). We're not sure what the DSM-V classification for the perception of common politeness and regular human behavior as torture is, but it's somewhere between "Andie MacDowell being forced to fly in coach" and "Patrick Bateman."

Why "Patrick Bateman," you ask? Well, because the complaints we hear narrated over these sad-ass dudes bizarrely shift from focusing on petty day-to-day work/life annoyances to being specifically angry at a female significant other. They're not even reasonable complaints -- literally the first one is "I will take your call," as if deigning to answer your phone when your partner calls you is going above and beyond the scope of what should be reasonably expected in an adult relationship.

Then, as the list of grievances begins to narrow in scope from "I will listen to your opinion of my friends" and "I will be civil to your mother" to "I will put the seat down" and "I will put my underwear in the basket," the camera suddenly begins zooming in to the strained, suffering eyes of a man in an expensive suit as he struggles to retain his grip on sanity. This is a man who is a remark away from killing someone with his bare hands, and as Dodge's helpful narration has informed us, that someone is definitely a woman.

Not to worry, though! Dodge defuses the situation by announcing that, because of the litany of noble sacrifices these droopy-faced men are making, they will be allowed to drive the car they want to drive. BOOM! A Dodge Charger speeds into view, coming to save everyone's penises as the slogan "MAN'S LAST STAND" explodes authoritatively on screen

It's disturbing enough that "getting to work on time" and "cleaning up after yourself" are presented as acts of heroism, but the fact that the ad abruptly shifts gears to start ranting about women being the source of all men's misery is downright chilling, because the only consumers who fit into both the "have enough money to buy a new Dodge Charger" and "have an irrational hatred of women" categories are wealthy opportunity killers.

Tanya Lukyanova does not have a Twitter account, so that was a link to their homepage.

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For more insanely questionable advertising, check out 10 Awesome Ads (For Traumatizing Children) and 7 Insane Ads That Have No Clue What They're Selling.

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