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Off-the-wall ads are nothing knew; advertisers know weird-ass ads will get people talking. But some commercials just get the "bizarre" part down before shutting off the cameras and going home for the day, producing a worrying number of insanely ineffective and downright baffling commercials which for all their quirky weirdness forgot to actually market a product. We're talking about stuff like: #7.
Singing Black Man in Drag for... Pest Control, We Think
What it looks like: A slightly more hairy but less fat version of Madea doing his/her ironing in a cartoon apartment populated by a single cockroach. Also, there is singing.
The tune should be familiar to anyone who enjoys Calypso music or watched Beetlejuice recently; but perhaps emboldened by the lipstick and fake breasts, this guy makes the brave character choice to inflect all the wrong syllables and sing completely out of key. This practice is frequently mistaken as being "lighthearted" and/or "funny," but in actuality makes us want to punch a cat in the balls.
Also, he manages to pull his wig off no less than three times in a twenty second period, either in an effort to convey his character's brave, mustached struggle with some form of cancer or to creep television audiences right the fuck out. Luckily, neither one has anything to do with pest control.
Those who were strong enough to get to the end of the video or simply too confused to turn it off will discover that Harris is actually a Detroit Pest Control company, as explained by Mr. Harris himself.
That's right, viewers. After parading around in bad drag, I will now ask for access into your home so that I may fill it with an extremely deadly nerve agent. #6.
Lesbian Death Juice and Convenience Stores
For the first 48 seconds this is the greatest television commercial of all time.
Two attractive young women, wearing their bedtime clothes in the forest for some reason, are engaging in some light foreplay and giggling appropriately. Then, they cut the bullshit and get down to brass tacks:
At this point we will buy anything they tell us to. It could fade to black on a box of Hitler Flakes and the effect would not be diminished. Then, the monster shows up.
Turns out the girls were making out under a giant half man half tree monstrosity the whole time, who leeringly asks if there is any chance he could get in on the action. The girls respond by producing axes from somewhere (either hidden in their underwear or kept nearby as a huge oversight on Tree Man's part) and chopping into him, causing him to squirt orange juice all over the place with an orgasmic fury.
The sudden dizziness you just felt was the blood rushing from your penis back into your head at the speed of sound.
Somehow, this is an ad for Mac's, a Canadian chain of convenience stores. The power of sex in advertisement notwithstanding, this ad follows in the footsteps of so many of the entries on this list by failing to ever mention a single product or service, unless they sell lace teddies and the blood/semen of sadomasochistic tree people. In which case we owe them a huge apology. #5.
Lobotomized Android Woman for Xbox Something or Other
For the first eight straight seconds we get a virtually static shot of some skinny white chick wearing an expression that no female has ever made in the history of anything, unless her OB/GYN happens to be The Shredder.
When she finally tries to emote, she seems more like a victim of Nurse Ratchet in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest than anything else.
But just then the camera rotates and we get a full-on view of the back of woman's head: completely drilled out and reinforced with metal, with miniature versions of her and her husband sitting on a couch inside enjoying a movie via an old timey projector, all while the robot wife herself is sitting in front of a TV. Our brains just threw up and exploded.
As the last five seconds informs us, this is an ad for Microsoft's video downloading service for the Xbox. Not that you'll remember that, because when they tell you, your brain is still reeling from seeing the inside of that poor woman's skull. It doesn't help that this could literally be a commercial for anything, you could toss in a shot of some Bojangles' chicken at the end and it would make as much sense ("So hungry you feel like your skull has been hollowed out? Head on down to Bojangles..."). #4.
Dead Babies and a Cow on Wheels for the French Dairy Industry
Without warning, we are immediately exposed to a tribe of infant skeletons dancing around a giant cow to a reggaeton remix of Staying Alive.
The offering of animated baby bones seems to have pleased the bovine deity and, as thanks, it unleashes a waterfall of milk from its swollen udders, bathing the undead army in a thick white liquid causing 10,000 simultaneous orgasms all over the world, but mostly in Japan.
The torrential downpour of milk showers the little skeletons with yogurt, cheese, butter and (for some reason) toasters. The commercial then ends the only way it could have--with a dead baby suckling a giant cow teat.
As it turns out, this is a French ad for dairy products. Of course! How could we have been so stupid? The clues were there: The giant cow on wheels, the fountain of milk with cheese, the macabre dancing skeletons... truly, an expertly layered masterpiece of subtle, jackfuck lunacy. OK, so we can kind of trace the workings of the broken mind that conceived this and say that the skeletons are supposed to say that milk gives you strong bones. But we have to believe there's a way to convey that message that doesn't involve the flayed bodies of dead children. |
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all the subymonal commercials were weird. u couldn't all of them for the countdown. also i saw this one commercial of a car driving down a nice road. The next second, a woman appears shrieking. End. WTF?!
I'm not going to be able to watch an animal documentary for a while after watching that Orangina ad. I will never be able to look at pandas the same way again.
Yeah, my country is starting to produce some seriously messed up s**t (I'm French, BTW).
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Let's go on, guys! Soon we'll be weirder than JAPAN!!
n-mayh, you have just ruined my day.
that frog from the sprite one reminds me of Binyah Binyah from Gullah Gullah Island
French advertisers have an old history of sex insertion into fuzzy drinks ads. There was that old 70's commercial for Perrier, where a soft and refined lady's hand was shown gently stroking the standard bottle, making it slowly grow to the brand new liter size, which eventually ejaculated its bubbly content.
Holy...the Orangina ad...
I have not laughed that hysterically in ages.
I've never been more proud to be from the viewing area that Eagleman airs in.
It seems as if the orangina video has been mentioned in a previous article. I'm too lazy to scroll down and see if anybody else pointed this out.
I am wondering if there is an easy way to find my soul mate or sexy partner! I find that it's not difficult to find my Mr.right when I saw MillionaireCupid.org, There are many sexy beauties and wealthy singles on that dating site, U may have a try!
I'm not the only one who had an orgasm during the Orangina commercial, right?
Has anyone seen "Pickle Surprise"? Check this one out, it looks like the hallucination someone would have if they smoked a pickle: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NgWn7zbgxZ4
THANK YOU for calling out both the French dairy and the Orangina ads as being pure crap, which they are. I live in France and have to deal with these loser spots, in addition to the horrifying print versions, much more frequently than I would like. Plus, since I work in marketing myself, I have the dubious pleasure of hearing myriad "pro" arguments for both ads. Apparently it's brillant to introduce sex (and animals) into something as unsexy as sparkling orange juice (?!?) Personally, I just find it fantastically irritating and frankly, not creative in the slightest (since when is using over-the-top sexuality to sell a mediocre product creative?) As for the dairy, maybe the French dairy industry wanted to make itself look "cool"? I'd say they've failed. Personally, this ad scares the hell out of me every time it airs and by no means gives me any desire what so ever to rush out and buy a Camembert (or a toaster).
Given that Orangina's slogan is "naturally pulpous", that its target is rather the 18-30 age group and that the animals shown are caricatures of your typical night-clubbers, this ad makes pretty much sense (and is very well done), IMO.
Think La Fontaine, not furries.
#1 - Orangina has been around for decades. It's pronounced Or-ange-ee-na.
But, yeah, that weird ad aired in the UK as well (tho not for long!) and when I first saw it I remember being freaked right the f**k out! Luckily for my friends, most of them dont know what Furries are but I KNOW! Damn you, Internets! You have made me see and know too much!
Because I want to ruin the randomness of #6, though I never saw the ad, Mac's, a pretty common convenience store here in Canada, had a slushie flavor called WTF?. And it was really contrevertial. Not because of the ads, but because the name hinted at a bad word. That's a WTF moment.
I'm surprised you didn't mention how all the peacocks in their skimpy bikinis... Look at the plumage. They're all males.
lolmao on the eagle man comercial at around 0:09 you can see the eagle feet poking through the car, and when she gets out hes standing on top, his feet not in it at all O.O its a conspiracy!
Jackfuck. I like that word.
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Orangina is god damn delicious