Apparently, if you dub a place the Happiest Place On Earth, criminals will flock to it to sell drugs and guns. They may not always succeed, but that sure won't stop them from trying.
Imperpay/Wiki Commons, Anna Fox/Wiki Commons
Though, really, someone should have expected this.
For instance: In 2015, one couple took their kids for a fun summer blowout at Disneyland Paris, except they were just using the kids as cover to transport 10 kilograms of heroin, presumably assuming that nobody would be suspicious if a trip to Disneyland ended in a magic dragon ride. With that kind of drug trafficking going on, it might not be surprising to learn that people trying to smuggle guns into the House Of Mouse are eerily common. Thankfully, they almost never make it through the gate, mainly due to vigilant visitors who keep an eye out for suspicious bulges.
Speaking of suspicious bulges, since 2006 at least 35 Disney employees have been arrested for various sex crimes involving minors. At least two of these crimes (both of them possession of child pornography) actually took place inside the gates of Disney's parks. Presumably somewhere in the Haunted Mansion.
Then there are the Disney gangs, or "social clubs," that roam the parks. Social clubs are Disney fanatics who act and dress like bikers who have devoted themselves to the Mouse instead of meth (one Russian club even started worshiping one of the Rescue Rangers as a goddess, although this may have more to do with meth than Disney). As of 2014, at least 90 different groups were identified, many of them considered "creepy" by some Disney employees, which, if you've been paying attention, is really saying something.
Not creepy. Nooope, not creepy at all.
Much like real gangs, the clubs frequently indulge in antisocial and sometimes illicit behavior. They have a reputation for skipping lines, doing drugs, and engaging in the saddest turf wars in human history. Such obsessive behavior is almost a park tradition, dating all the way back to the 1960s, when hundreds of "long-hairs" swarmed Tom Sawyer Island and prompted the attraction to be shut down early after they caused mayhem and assaulted a few police officers in the process.
What we're trying to say is: The news was right. Don't ever go outside.
Carolyn's tweets should be a crime.
Which Sci-Fi Trope Would You Bring To The Real World, And Why? Every summer we're treated to the same buffet of three or four science fiction movies with the same basic conceits. There's man vs. aliens, man vs. robots, man vs. army of clones and man vs. complicated time travel rules. With virtual reality and self-driving cars fast approaching, it's time to consider what type of sci-fi movie we want to be living in for the rest of our lives. Co-hosts Jack O'Brien and Adam Tod Brown are joined by Cracked's Tom Reimann and Josh Sargent along with comedians David Huntsberger, Caitlin Gill, and Lizzy Cooperman to figure out which sci-fi trope would be the best to make a reality. Get your tickets to this live podcast here!
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