The Worm-Filled Dick Tube
Our first example comes from the realm of male masturbation aids. Now, you may think that the limits to what men can safely put their dicks inside were discovered long ago. Thankfully, we can assure you that those limits are flagrantly ignored, if they were understood at all, by the Noodle King (NSFW):
Noodle KingGet used to that full-body shiver. More are coming.
Setting aside the mind-bending horror, there is admittedly a lot to like here. It looks about the right size, for one. It's basically the right color. And what guy wouldn't want to stick his penis inside something that sort of looked like a second, larger penis?
Oh that's right, a lot of them.
But let's get back to that mind-bending horror -- notably, the nightmare world of tiny Johnson-strangling tentacles hiding inside this King of the Long Fellows like the garden of poor unfortunate souls in Ursula's undersea lair. There's no earthly explanation for why anyone would make this thing. This is clearly the work of extraterrestrials with some pretty brazen assumptions about human anatomy and sexual needs.
Noodle King"Is this what 'Mom's spaghetti' means?" -- aliens right now, probably
Pieces Of Anatomically-Challenged Humans
Sex toys are generally intended to replicate very particular bits of the human anatomy. You know the ones. But what if you wanted a toy which replicated a bit more? Not too much more, mind you. Something you can still fit in a suitcase. Something more like a bizarre, masturbatory half-person. Well, you're in luck. Let us introduce you to the Master Series Knees Up Nikki (NSFW).
Master Series (NSFW)Nice to meet you. No, don't get up.