Where this gets interesting is that you can designate a trusted person to help you out with a bunch of these texts. You set up the basic message, and the trustee will fill in the details (if they need changing). Alternatively, you can skip that altogether and use the system to scare the bejeezus out of your (former) friends and family.
See, the program uses GPS technology to trigger a text message. If something big is about to happen, they'll get an alert from dead-you. You could send your son a reminder of what a disappointment he is as soon as he sets foot inside a McDonalds, and all he'd be able to do is sigh and be glad you're dead.
"Screw you, old man! At least the cashier came to my little league games."
The base package includes one GB of data per month, which will handle a handful of videos, but you could also splurge on a 30-GB-per-month package, letting you deliver wall-to-wall video messaging for every moment of the remainder of their waking lives. Your children will grow up thinking of you as the parenting equivalent of a Vine account, which is going to be really annoying if Vine ever goes out of business.
Our sense of smell plays a huge role in determining whom we're attracted to, and while it's a little weird to talk about, people will often miss the scent of their romantic partner once they're gone. They'll hold onto old clothes, pillows, and other things that still hold the smell of old sweat and off-brand deodorant that turns people on. But now, widowed partners everywhere can get a concentrated dose of instant memories, thanks to one enterprising company that's selling what they should be calling Eau de You.
Veronique Beranger/Photographer's Choice/Getty Images
"Mmm, smells like dirty laundry and corn chips."
A French company called Kalain is able to take the clothing of a deceased loved one (or some other fabric they regularly interacted with) and create a bottle of perfume to smell like that person in as little as four days. The perfume comes in a nice box and will set you back roughly $600, which may seem pricey on the surface, but if there was ever anything to blow your entire Social Security check on, it's this.
It also doubles as a home seance kit.
Our keener readers will note that you technically don't have to die to give up some old clothes for this nightmare. Company founder Katia Apalategui has thought of this, as the company also offers packages for "temporary absences." She mentions that this could make a Valentine's Day gift between lovers, or even as something for children who miss their parents on holiday, which is taking it to a much weirder place than we had thought. Children don't need to be learning about pheromones that early.
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For more ideas to apply to your rotting carcass after you've passed, check out The 5 Most Bizarre Things People Have Done With Dead Bodies and The 6 Coolest Things You Can Do With Your Dead Body.
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