4

Or Just Frame Your Terrible Tattoos For Your Loved Ones

NAPSA

Everyone loves the idea of getting a tattoo to forever proclaim their love for dolphins, but we all have the same reservation about the process: What happens when you die, and people no longer get to look at your awesome ink? Well, worry no more, because the National Association for the Preservation of Skin Art is here to physically remove your tattooed flesh from your corpse, as if Hannibal Lecter was operating out of a back alley in Las Vegas.

NAPSA
"Needs more salt."

3

Become A Robot Clone

Bloomberg Business

Martine Rothblatt, CEO of Sirius Radio and the highest-paid female CEO in the nation, is using her fortune to drive bigger and better ventures. After her daughter was diagnosed with a rare lung disease, she founded a biotech company. This would have been a great venture with which to honor her daughter if they were focusing squarely on things like curing lung cancer, but that's not quite what happened. In the biggest case of "that escalated quickly" the world has ever seen, she's built a robot clone of her wife, Bina Aspen, named BINA48.

LifeNaut
"BINA47 will have her revenge one day, oh yes."

2

Send Posthumous Text Messages

Hinterhaus Productions/DigitalVision/Getty Images

People have been writing letters for loved ones to open after their death for centuries, so it's not like communicating from beyond the grave is a totally foreign concept. The thing with those letters, however, is that they were mostly a one-and-done prospect. Technology, of course, has finally caught up, and thanks to SafeBeyond, you can queue up text, photos, videos and such to be delivered at certain points after your death.

LesByerley/iStock/Getty Images
"Still thinking of you. Happy Easter, <3 John"

1

Become A Creepy Perfume

Vladmax/iStock/Getty Images

Our sense of smell plays a huge role in determining whom we're attracted to, and while it's a little weird to talk about, people will often miss the scent of their romantic partner once they're gone. They'll hold onto old clothes, pillows, and other things that still hold the smell of old sweat and off-brand deodorant that turns people on. But now, widowed partners everywhere can get a concentrated dose of instant memories, thanks to one enterprising company that's selling what they should be calling Eau de You.

Veronique Beranger/Photographer's Choice/Getty Images
"Mmm, smells like dirty laundry and corn chips."

A French company called Kalain is able to take the clothing of a deceased loved one (or some other fabric they regularly interacted with) and create a bottle of perfume to smell like that person in as little as four days. The perfume comes in a nice box and will set you back roughly $600, which may seem pricey on the surface, but if there was ever anything to blow your entire Social Security check on, it's this.

Kalain
It also doubles as a home seance kit.

Our keener readers will note that you technically don't have to die to give up some old clothes for this nightmare. Company founder Katia Apalategui has thought of this, as the company also offers packages for "temporary absences." She mentions that this could make a Valentine's Day gift between lovers, or even as something for children who miss their parents on holiday, which is taking it to a much weirder place than we had thought. Children don't need to be learning about pheromones that early.

Psst ... want to give us feedback on the super-secret beta launch of the upcoming Cracked spinoff site, Braindrop? Well, simply follow us behind this curtain. Or, you know, click here: Braindrop.

For more ideas to apply to your rotting carcass after you've passed, check out The 5 Most Bizarre Things People Have Done With Dead Bodies and The 6 Coolest Things You Can Do With Your Dead Body.

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