As we remind you all the time, the future ain't what it used to be. We have no jetpacks or robot butlers, and we've still not upgraded from Land Wars to Star Wars. The dreamers fell short ... but it turns out that some of the pessimists came pretty close to the mark. In the same way that no one in the '50s thought "millions of strangers across the world accidentally saw your dick" could ever become a realistic problem, our near-future will be filled with annoyances that sound completely ridiculous to us now.
Here are seven incoming issues that will make you yearn for an ape and/or machine uprising. At least in such a case, you wouldn't have to put up with ...
Your Fitbit Could Be Used As Evidence Against You
Any denizen of the digital generation knows that anything you say on the Internet can and will be used against you, especially if it's embarrassing fan fiction. However, that's a logical extension of using written material as evidence, as we've done for centuries. The newest way to incriminate yourself online has far less precedent: the data collected from wearable technology, such as the Fitbit.
dolgachov/iStock/Getty Images You can run, but you can't hide (the fact that you just killed a hobo).
Yes, your clothes could send you to jail. It may sound like Law & Order: The Jetsons, but there's no real reason this kind of data can't be admissible in court. In fact, it's already happening. A woman in Pennsylvania called 911 and claimed that a home invader raped her, but her Fitbit contradicted her story (she was awake and walking around when she said she was fast asleep). Her own fitness watch helped prove that she'd pulled the whole story out of her ... you know, and now she's facing misdemeanor charges.
So wearable tech can help bring criminals to justice. That's good, right? Well, here's where it gets fishy. There are already "alibi apps" -- programs that covertly record all your interactions and surroundings to prove you weren't (for example) holding a chandelier in the study when Colonel Mustard got whacked. Sounds innocent enough, until you remember that there's a term for people who intentionally go around establishing alibis: "guilty as fuck." Using this app is a little bit like going up to a cop and saying, "By the way, I'll be at the movies this afternoon when my wife gets murdered."
moodboard/moodboard/Getty Images "I was at the ... *looks at watch* OJ Simpson retrospective. FUCK!"