Look, it's a made-for-TV movie; they had to cut some corners on character names.

Things get even more out of hand when Robbie gets mugged in the street, then stabs his assailant because he thinks he's being attacked by the Gorvil (although stabbing someone who is trying to mug you is not entirely out of line).

Warner Bros.
"I attack with my Dagger of a Thousand Shankings!"

After the incident, Robbie goes completely off the deep end and decides to get away from everything by leaping off the World Trade Center and using a spell to fly to his fantasy dimension. (Reminder: This will not work.) The scene in which his friends confront him on the roof is without a doubt the greatest moment in Tom Hanks' entire acting career:

"Remember kids: D&D is the devil, and profound psychiatric issues can be cured with the power of hugs."

Unfortunately, Robbie is never able to break out of his delusion. Such is the strength of tabletop gaming's evil. Thus, he's doomed to wander mindlessly around his parents' estate for the rest of his life, mentally trapped in his made-up fantasy world. And the film would have us believe that this is what will happen to your kids if you recklessly allow them to play Dungeons & Dragons. A movie showing the entire high school calling Robbie and his friends giant nerdlingers probably would have been more effective.

Warner Bros.
"What's in the box? What's in the box??!"
*rolls d20*

His tantrums only escalate from there, to the point where, upon catching his girlfriend going through his performance enhancer stash, he punches her and then destroys his bedroom in a fit of melodramatic violence that would be matched only by the Internet after it heard that this man would be playing Batman

HBO
"I'M SO EXCITED, I'M SO EXCITED!"

Like most alarmist propaganda, the movie didn't accurately portray the issue it warned about. According to experts, "roid rage" isn't really a thing that exists -- at least, not in the sense that it turns normally meek people into aggressive monsters. People suffering from the rage are most likely already aggressive, but can do more damage due to the fact that they're mega-jacked now.

Of course, if the show had presented the real cost of steroids, Affleck would have spent most of the running time lying in a hospital bed with his kidneys and spleen bleeding into his abdomen and his testicles shriveled to the size of California Raisins. Which, while arguably way more shocking and definitely the more responsible lesson to teach young teenagers, wouldn't have made for nearly as good of an episode of television.

20th Century Fox
Plus, his side dong in Gone Girl wouldn't have been anywhere as tantalizing.

Comedian Fred Willard, of Anchorman and This Is Spinal Tap fame, has had a long career playing "that guy" in a whole bunch of comedy movies and sitcoms. He's even "that guy" in WALL-E.

Now here's the trailer for Fred Willard's film debut, the 1967 movie Teenage Mother, which billed itself as "the most important film you will ever see." It's most assuredly not a comedy ... at least, not intentionally.

Sort of like how whacking yourself in the balls isn't intentionally funny.

Teenage Mother was the '60s version of Juno without the colorful dialogue. It was part exploitation film and part public service announcement, warning teenagers about the dangers of sex before marriage. Willard stars as a high school coach (because he was never a teenager, not even 48 years ago) who announces that the school is making the "experimental" decision to hire a woman as a teacher. This was a controversial concept in the '60s.

He would make up for it a few years later by starring in a sensitivity training video entitled "Working With Broads And Colored Fellas"

Willard's character later saves the lady teacher, Miss Peterson, from getting raped by her students. According to Willard, the audience at one screening booed his character for interrupting a sex scene, because those who go see movies are the kind of people who keep rewarding the Transformers series with billions of dollars.

In the end, Teenage Mother was a confusing, slapped-together piece of work full of mixed messages. It was supposed to serve as a PSA about teen pregnancy, but the twist at the climax was that the teenage girl was faking her pregnancy all along. And then the movie ends with graphic footage of a real birth. But Willard took his first acting classes to prepare for the role, so in a weird way, we have Teenage Mother to thank for the entirety of his film career.

If you didn't live through the Cold War during the 1950s and '60s (and chances are you didn't), it's hard to comprehend how terrified people were about the possibility of a nuclear holocaust. In 1967, the United States Office of Civil Defense organized an instructional film about what to do in the event of a nuclear strike against the USA. And to deliver this message, they hired a rising star in Hollywood: future two-time Oscar-winning actor Gene Hackman. Although at this point in his career, Hackman had only done a few years of television, which is presumably why he agreed to be in a video for the Office of Civil Defense.

In the 20-minute PSA, Hackman plays the role of a regional Civil Defense officer tasked with explaining to a skeptical American public how to respond to a nuclear attack from the Soviet Union, which the video contends was all but a certainty:

"No no, this just applies to you poor people. My bunker is way nicer. And in orbit."

You know that Hackman's character has his shit together because he has charts -- something which dazzles his colleagues, who repeatedly comment on how outstanding they are. If he had brought a PowerPoint presentation, we assume everyone in the room would've simply combusted with joy and admiration.

United States Office of Civil Defense
"Do you want to see my transparencies?"
"Ohhhhh Gooooood ... I-- I need a smoke."

Of course, a lot of the information presented in the film is intended less as genuine advice and more as lip service to placate an already frightened population. For example, to avoid radiation, Hackman's character advises building a pile of junk against your door. Apparently, old magazines can absorb waves of scalding atomic death.

United States Office of Civil Defense
In the aftermath, only the hoarders were left.