The 5 Most Ill-Advised Celebrity Endorsements Ever
Really, can anything go wrong with a celebrity endorsement? OK, other than their latest movie/album/TV show turning into a flop. Or them getting caught on camera beating a hooker while wearing your clothing line.
OK, so a lot can go wrong. But maybe nothing is worse than when the celebrity's troubles have a cruel, ironic connection to the product they're endorsing, turning your multimillion dollar ad campaign into an exercise in unintentional hilarity. We're talking about...

Way back in 1987, Anheuser-Busch launched their "The Night Belongs to Michelob" campaign, a series of commercials involving popular rock and roll artists of the day. However the first couple of ads featured such stars as Steve Winwood and Phil Collins, two accomplished, albeit mind-numbingly boring musicians. Sensing they needed to take a new direction, Anheuser-Busch went out and recruited a giant in the music industry: Eric Fucking Clapton.

The commercial itself, although dated, is still pretty damned cool. It's got all your necessary rock and roll cliches, from the smoky club to the hot chicks (with big ass 80s hair) to the hip band and to top it all off, Clapton. Check it out here.
The Problem:

Clapton, like virtually all musicians, had a bit of a drug problem (which he overcame), a fact known to just about everyone... minus the shithead ad execs at Anheuser-Busch. Either that or they did know and just were too stoned themselves to ask any follow up questions like "Are you clean and sober now Mr. Clapton?"
If they had they probably would've avoided the painful sting of irony. Right around the time Clapton's commercial was released, he decided to come clean... literally. Clapton fessed up that he was currently seeking treatment at a detox facility... for alcoholism.
The Fallout:
Upon finding out that the centerpiece to their multimillion dollar ad campaign was in rehab trying to liberate himself of imaginary bugs, Anheuser-Busch promptly terminated the contract. They wanted an image of carefree people happily drinking in a smoky bar, damn it! Not of some guy responsibly seeking help from professionals when he realizes he has a problem!
These days, Anheuser-Busch has learned their lesson, stopped pretending beer is part of some kind of imaginary rock star lifestyle and now claims Michelob will turn you into a top athlete instead.


Those "Got Milk" print ads (complete with suggestive "milk" mustache) have turned up in pretty much every magazine, and over the years have included just about every douchebag in the entertainment and sporting world. So in 2004, the MilkPEP board decided that it would be a genius idea to have the Olsen Twins in one of their ads.

"All grown up" replaced the slightly more risque, "Did you get that it's semen?"
You remember the Olsen Twins, those gaunt, not quite hot-not quite hideous twins from Full House? Who are mind-bogglingly rich thanks to some clever marketing and self promotion?
Mary-Kate was quoted as saying "We wanted to appear in this ad because we love the campaign and we want to help make sure our fans are healthy like us." If by healthy you mean skinny enough to look like some kind of refugee.
The Problem:

This is all about lessons in timing and the veracity of rumors. The Olsen Twins have been dogged by ugly rumors of substance abuse and eating disorders for years. Ugly rumors that happen to be dead on. Shortly after the twins "Got Milk" ad came out, Mary-Kate checked herself into a treatment program for a "health-related issue," according to her publicist. That health-related issue was in fact an eating disorder. Seems she didn't "get milk," or any other kind of fucking food either.

Aaaah, what the fuck?!
The Fallout:
The folks at MilkPEP wisely decided to pull the ad, claiming they did it out of sensitivity to Mary-Kate's situation. It was really that, or embrace the message that by drinking what babies drink, you can get back to your original birth weight.

If you're reading this, odds are you think golf is somewhere between "boring" and "extremely fucking boring." The only good things that are even vaguely golf-related are thought to be Caddyshack, Happy Gilmore and Tiger Woods' super hot wife Elin.

Fuck you Tiger Woods.
But it wasn't always like that, thanks to a brief period in the early 90s when John Daly (kind of a cross between Al Czervik from Caddyshack and Happy Gilmore, only fatter and drunker) burst on the scene. Add the fact that he smokes like a fiend, has had run-ins with the law, scraps with his wife and can hit the shit out of a golf ball makes him a perfect spokesperson for... Hooters.
The popular chain known for well-endowed, scantily clad waitresses serving "food" and flirtatious conversation, viewed Daly as the "everyman," and the big drunk didn't disappoint. His "payment" for wearing the Hooters logo during tournaments? Unlimited food and beer at any of the restaurant's chains. Oh, shit.

The finest athlete of our time.
The Problem:
What do you think happened? Here's a guy who if it weren't for the fact that he can crush a golf ball, would likely be living in a van drinking Schlitz and watching Maury Povich. Instead, John Daly can go to any Hooter's anywhere and drink his ass off.
Which is what he did in Fall of 2008 in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. Daly got so loaded he lost consciousness at the restaurant, then refused to go to the hospital when paramedics arrived. So the cops hauled his ass to jail, where he spent the night in the drunk tank.

Oh fuck not again.
The Fallout:
Well the PGA suspended him for six months. As far as Hooters goes, they have yet to drop Daly as a spokesperson. And why would they? With six months off the man's gotta drink, and customers may be intrigued enough to frequent Hooters everywhere just for a chance to see a PGA golfer choke on his own vomit.
Meanwhile, Daly has his own signature wine coming out. That's right, embrace who you are, John!








"Martha Stewart, for that two percent of Cracked readers who don't know, is a ..."
ReplyI am pretty sure Cracked has more than 2% foreign readers.
Why do you assume foreigners don't know who Martha Stewart is?
Just wanted to say (And agree) that the over exposed, over appreciated debocle that is the Olsen twins it only due to the fact that they happened to be twins, happened to be somewhat cute as children, and happened to land a spot on a crappy but hit TV show. Other than that they are worthless and any "talent" any one claims they have is laughable.
ReplyRockford files=Burn Notice
ReplyDoes the fact that I don't find golf boring and know who John Daly is makes me out of place?
ReplyNah. Me too.
Because Eric Clapton is F*CKING ROCK GOD, that's why it's awesome.
ReplyEverywhere you go, if Clapton is mentioned; the words "Rock God" are never far behind. If only he WAS a god, he could have saved his kid from what was arguably the worst last moments of a young life ever.
Mean much? Yes, yes I am.
It's crazy to think that the Olsen Twins were heavier when they were on Full House.
Replyha, I laughed
ReplyApparently, the author has no idea how cigarette smoking affects heart health.
Reply Hide All See All 4 Repliesit weakens the muscles, it doesn't block the arteries. apparently you're the one who has no ideas, sir.
@JohnStruabe, cigarette smoking strongly increases the risk of atherosclerosis - a hardening of the arteries that creates the perfect environment for cholesterol, blood cells and other junk to build up, eventually blocking the artery. It's thought the chemicals in cigarettes damage the walls of the artery, which is what starts the process of atherosclerosis.
the beef 'prolly helped
So stick that in your pipe and smoke it...
I have actually been to the Hooters where Daily go trashed at, as I live near it and believe it or not they still brag about it for some reason
ReplyBECAUSE IT'S AWESOME
I approve of integrity, and I've never in my life seen one as lacking in hyocrisy as that. Congratulations, endorsement successful. ^_^
ReplyI actually approve of Daly. I've never even considered Hooters before, never been inside one, but I'll be visiting the local one now.
Replyfunny in retrospect
Reply"Fuck you Tiger Woods"
Hey, who didn't?
How dare one of the Olsen twins don a Velvet Underground shirt in their sleazy ad. Lou Reed prefers to be associated with cleaner things, like heroine and cross-dressers... you know come to think of it that seems close enough to the Olsen twins.
ReplyI've seen far prettier transvestites.
I've had sex with far prettier transvestites.
I've never understood the mass appeal of Martha Stewart. I mean, there are a million cooking shows, and what adult sits around making f*****g arts and crafts? You didn't get enough of that s**t at summer camp during your pre-pubescent years?
ReplyAnd then she's so monotone with it. . . I just don't get it at all.
You know, there's some sorta Sexy Evil Queen mojo around her. It's like, hell, no I don't want to do Martha Stewart. But then again...her evilness is just so...attractive. (god I need help)
I think the monotone is part of the appeal, it's strangely hypnotic. At least that's the only way I can explain getting sucked into the occasional show despite the fact that it always turned out that I already knew how to do whatever the topic was.
(Okay that and generally coveting the kitchens they filmed the original how-to type show in. I live vicariously through other people's pretty houses, sue me.)
"Fuck you Tiger Woods." Apparently he took your advice as did a lot of skeezy women.
ReplyMichelob: For the classy alcoholic!
ReplyI told my doctor that I wanted a quintuple bypass. He told me that the hole in my heart wasn't a blood vessel. So I replied. Shit, I suppose I should get that looked at, shouldn't I?
ReplySorry. Bad James Garner joke.
Sears and K Mart merging is a little like Casey Anthony hooking up with Scott Peterson, success unlikely.
ReplyThats funny, because their both still in business...
Oh Bob Dylan and Victoria's Secret or Aretha Franklin and Coca-cola could have gone in there. What a way to lose your integrity. It's like comedian Bill Hicks said: once you take money to shill a product, everything that ever comes out of your mouth is suspect.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesBob Dylan was asked in an interview FOREVER ago what, if anything, he would ever sell a song to, and he answered "Ladies' undergarments." So whatever. I was more pissed about "The Times They Are A'Changin'" selling cell phones.
Yeah, truly a fap-killer when his mug came on the screen. (wow, even that doesn't sound right.)
You're just not very good at fapping.
See, I look at stuff like the olsen twins and almost forget that the truth is if one takes a professional picture of a chick, then subtracts anywhere from 25% to 50% of their attractiveness they'll often arrive at a more realistic hotness level. The same goes for the pictures ppl choose for their profiles on dating sites, and I'm pretty sure all that can result in is both parties showing up disappointed.
Reply Hide All See All 7 RepliesThen a gentleman goes to his friends and comments that a person is attractive based on a picture, only to have them all realize at a later time that the person actually isn't which leads the gentleman's friends to think he's sad, desperate, and has very low standards, and that's harmful to one's ego. I don't know if it's the same for both genders, but I'd think it would be to some degree.
Of course though with women after you get past the first layer of lies and deceit, selective photography, then ya just run into other layers like heels, and jewelry, and makeup and all the other terrible filthy lies that follow women wherever they go. And then they have boobs on top of it. Not fair I tell ya. Probably one day most dudes wake up and looks at their significant other without makeup and wonder who the heck they are.
(It's alright, I'm jk ladies. You're all pretty no matter what. And I'm totally definitely not just saying that because I don't want to look like a misogynistic prick, of course.)
Yeah, I got about five words in and....yeah. Dude. Seriously?
So I shouldn't be attracted to Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen?
I think he was trying to say that photoshop has been making everyone look amazing for years.
Dude, if you talked like that about your mom, she'd probably stop paying your rent. jerk.
What is this I don't even...
tl;dr
Are you mad because they became legal age?