Following the news is like reading a superhero comic in which the heroes actually stay dead. No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every important headline while maintaining their sanity, so we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous news stories from the last week (or so):

FREEDOM! Government and military officials were sent scramblingo when A242-FOOT-LONG, 7-MLLION-DOLLAR MILITARY SURVEILLANCE BLIMP BROKE FREE FROM ITS

Source: ABC News

In order to promote non: lethal ways of subduing and detaining suspects, the Anderson, California, Police Department plans to provide its 20 officers.

Source: L.A. Times

THE WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION ANNOUNCED THAT PROCESSED MEATS CAUSE CANCER. A mere 50 grams (1.76 oz) of salted, cured, or smoked meat per day increase

Source: BBC

25-YEAR-OLD ADACIA CHAMBERS FACES FOUR COUNTS O SECOND-DEGREE MURDER FOR DRIVING HER CAR INTO A CROWD AT THE OKLAHOMA STATE UNIVERSITY HOMECOMING PARA

Source: CNN

THE CITIZENS OF GUATEMALA ELECTED A COMEDIAN wiTH NO POLITICAL BACKGROUND AS THEIR NEXT PRESIDENT. Television personality James Ernesto Jimmy Morale

The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (11/3)

The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (11/3)

Is it possible that we have some illicit [artifacts]? That's possible. Steve Green - -CEO of Hobby Lobby, a family company with a reputation built o

Source: Daily Beast

The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (11/3)

Source: CNN

A biscuit which was part of a lifeboat survival kit that survived the sinking of the ITANIC ASBAVENG World's most valuable biscuit. was purchased at

Source: BBC

CHINA WILL END ITS ONE-CHILD POLICY. A two-child policy has been adopted to increase the labor supply and support the country's growing senior populat

Source: Time, NY Times

A RUSSIAN AIRLINER CRASHED IN THE SINAI PENINSULA OF EGYPT, KILLING ALL 224 PEOPLE ABOARD. The loss of Metrojet Flight 9268 is believed to be the dead

Source: CNN

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