A vending machine that spits out live crabs sounds like something you'd see right before Freddy Krueger murders you in some needlessly elaborate fashion, but it's a thing that exists in the real world too. Specifically, in China, where crabs are a popular seasonal meal. The rationale behind these machines, according to a store manager who owns one, is to assist you during those times when it's late at night, all the seafood shops are closed, and you feel the sudden urge to "chow down on a hairy crab" (actual direct quote). See, that's the difference between China and Japan; if it was the latter, you know that'd be a euphemism for something perverted. But nope, the Chinese really do get the hairy-crab munchies.
Before these machines, you had to settle for gluing cat hair on an ashtray and chewing that.
The crabs cost between $1.50 and $7.50, depending on how big and terrifying they are. And, yes, the f*****g things are actually alive: The interior of the machine is kept at a temperature of 40 to 50 degrees F to convince the crabs it's winter and make them hibernate inside their small plastic prisons. As anyone who works from home knows, the fact that they sleep late and the general lack of activity will keep the animal's muscles soft and tangy -- just like your palate demands. The shock of being abruptly pushed down a metal ramp is apparently enough to jolt the poor bastards awake, though:
Pictured: the original twist ending for The Matrix.