Staying on top of the news is like trying to follow the plot of Kevin Spacey's serial killer notebooks in Se7en. No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every important headline while maintaining their sanity, so we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous news stories from the last week (or so):

CRACKEDC GEORGE ZIMMERMAN JOINED WITH A MUSLIM-FREE FLORIDA GUN SHOP TO RESIST THE CULTURALCLEANSING OF AMERICA (AND PAY SOME BIL-LS). So, for a li

The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (8/25)

Source: NBC News

A GROUP OF RETIRED MILITARY LEADERS CALLED MISSION: READINESS (MILI'TARY LEADERS FOR KIDS) RECENTLY REPORTED THAT OBESITY IS NOW ONE OF THE LEADING CA

Source: CBS Local

A South London man who was PRESUMED DEAD after being found lying unconscious from a possible heroin overdose... woke up and began insulting the parame

Security at Dublin Airport recently CONFISCATED A MINIONS TOY FART GUN from a child, SECURITY AIRPORT because it qualifies as a prohibited replica gu

DWAYNE JOHNSON WILL TEAM UP WITH DISNEY FOR A MOVIE BASED ON THE CLASSIC JUNGLE CRUISE RIDE. It's unclear how The Rock will fit yet another film into

It took 20 volunteers, 4 trucks, and dozens of large cardboard tubes in order to move 150 ILLEGALLY OWNED CROCODILES, ALLIGATORS, and CAIMANS to an an

Source: CBC

THE ASHLEY MADISON WEBSITE HACKERS RELEASED THE PERSONAL DATA OF MILLIONS OF MEMBERS. That unlucky group includes thousands of government employees us

Source: CNN

Nine months after a series of snowstorms dumped up to SEVEN FEET OF SNOW on the greater Buffalo, New York, area IN LESS THAN A WEEK..0 local hospitals

48 hours after posting a photo on Facebook of a police car parked illegally in a handicapped space.oo P:12 a Spanish woman was FINED E800 (just over $

THE US NAVY ANNOUNCED THAT ANY WOMAN WHO. MEETS THEIR EXISTING STANDARDS CAN BECOME A NAVY SEAL. The news comes in the wake of two women making histor

Source: CNN, LA Times

SCIENTISTS HAVE MADE A BREAKTHROUGH THAT COULD SLOW OR POSSIBLY EVEN HALT AMYOTROPHIC LATERAL SCLEROSIS AKA LOU GEHRIG'S DISEASE. AND THEY ARE GIVING

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