Unlike the Buffalo Bills, not every corporation can afford to hire Mary Poppins to write an in-house employee handbook on table manners and vagina maintenance. That's why many companies outsource the job to places that deal exclusively with training guides. Jhana is one of the leading online employee training services, and is used by such corporate giants as Google and Ask.com. One of their major selling points is that they offer a weekly digest of new entries to its ever-expanding library of employee manuals. Every time a genius douchebag invents an all-new way to describe his co-worker's heaving breasts, Jhana works to add an entry about why it's harmful to the workplace environment.
"'R2-TripleD2s' takes care of Star Wars; on to the Lord Of The Rings puns."
Unfortunately, nothing screws up a system like humans. And some of Jhana's "educators" seem to have a very antiquated approach to dealing with harassment in the workplace. For instance, an entry called "What if a male colleague gets the wrong idea?" implies that if a woman dresses modern, makes jokes, has a girlish voice, or smiles at a man, she should expect him to come lunging at her penis-first. Here's an excerpt:
Be consistent and consistently genuine. If you act the same way -- always professional, but also always like yourself -- around everyone, the problematic colleague will be less likely to get the idea that you're coming on to him.
We don't have any Aristotelian scholars on staff, but we are almost positive this isn't logic. If you treat problematic colleagues exactly how you would non-problematic colleagues, that only takes away their problem if you are the source of it. Which would mean that this guide is only useful for women who want to be sexually harassed, so preventing it would be paradoxically the exact thing they didn't want. You add a robot to this paragraph, and you have yourself a shitty Terminator sequel.
No, another one.
Here's some more great advice from the same guide:
In a perfect world, women would feel free to dress however they want without being stigmatized for it. But know that revealing clothing and certain verbal tics, such as ending statements with an upward inflection in your voice or struggling to accept a compliment, can affect others' ability to take you seriously.
That's right: Any woman who struggles with compliments and has upward inflections in her voice deserves everything she gets and more. The article even goes full survival bunker toward the end, advising women to avoid one-on-one situations with anyone carrying compatible genitals and to always travel in packs. It's advice you'd give a woman auditioning for a swimsuit calendar shoot she saw on Craigslist, not to an account executive who laughs too invitingly at jokes.
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