"I'm not racist, but *hic* let me tell you something about the crows, man ..."
Researchers fed the birds a mixture of six percent alcohol and juice until their BAC reached .05-.08. Once the birds were comfortably buzzed, the scientists recorded their singing. And that's when we discovered the most important scientific fact in history: When you get a bird drunk, it slurs its songs. Compared to the sober songbirds, the shitfaced serenades were quiet, garbled, and harmonically disorganized; almost exactly as with humans, minus the "quiet" part. The scientists chose finches for their experiment because it turns out that birdsong and human speech rely on the same genes. Plus, according to the head researcher, the finches were "somewhat willing to consume [alcohol]."
"Siiing us a sooooong yurrrrrr the pianaaaa maaaaaaan ..."
The research might one day help us understand how birds learn new songs -- and, consequently, how humans learn to talk. But we don't think that's why the OHSU researchers are doing these experiments. We think finches simply make for bitchin' drinking bros, and scientists aren't very good at making friends.